God's princess' Tales..

2012-01-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

My holiday coming to an end soon, and I have make so many secrets this year.
I hope for so many things, and I keep hoping.. There are many times I prayed, time just stop like that.

****************************************************************************

Hang on, my loved ones, I can do better, I am learning, give me time

2012-01-01T03:10:00.000+08:00

It has ended now, finally.
The year 2011 was not a good one. But I learned, the stressful working life, more commitments to handle, mom getting more ill, car got crashed, like seriously crashed, and many other things!
But thank God towards the end, at least, something great happened.

I don't know why I say this, despite the feeling of relieve that 2011 is a past, I somehow can foresee that I will face more challenges in this year, I pray that I can overcome this year as I did the last year, smile, at least, this is the best that I can do, I want to spread happiness, not sadness, so SMILE!!

I hereby wish everyone a happy New Year, I love you, Jesus loves you!!

2011-12-18T23:03:00.004+08:00

If you don't make any effort, I will leave, sorry, because as much as I pour out my all to you, though I don't expect the same in return, at least, just be there, I am sorry, I think I deserve a better one.

Christmas is here again! Look at how time flies, and I am still the same..... just getting older.. Well, it's Christmas, I think I deserve to put down my wishlist here, it's just wish ok, I don't mean those who are reading this, must get it for me, it's wish, so I can wish whatever I want, regardless whether it is affordable right, and all here below are material things.

Burberry Brit perfume for women

Although I am not really a fragrance person, I smell this the other day during promotion, I just love it so much, I almost got it since it was a promotion, but somehow, I managed to control myself ^^

BABY G code:BGA-130

I saw this watch also, one of the lepaking days in sungai wang, and I fell in love with this cute piece too! I love that crisp white, sporty and cute, yet elegant, I think it's suitable for most of my outfit!


The Body Shop, Cranberry Joy range

It smells great, I just got that shimmering lipbalm for myself, although I wish for the whole set but I think just the body butter will do as fine ;P


Clinique dramatically different moisturizing gel, oily to combination oily

I know this is too much, but my moisturizer is kinda running out, and it will be nice if someone can top up for me, lol...


Famous amos cookies!!

The aroma and the smell of these cookies never fail to captivate me each time I visited a mall that have one of these!


Chocolates

Can I have a never ending supply to these all yeat long?? I promise I will never get tired of these sweetness..

Merry Christmas! Jesus loves us all!!

2011-12-01T20:45:00.002+08:00

I feel at ease, at least, I am able to experience peace, but....
still I want to get out from here..

2011-11-22T20:39:00.003+08:00

I like you

I know...

2011-11-09T21:11:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I was walking alone to the car park, I noticed the moon, there was nearly not many cars were left there, 2 or 3 including mine I guess, so the car park was very dark actually, making the light from the moon more prominent.
I couldn't help but notice a particular star below it, a very bight shining one, I thought of my dad, I remember him saying that it was a man made star because it is exceptionally bright. I was only 7 then because I recalled that it was my first day of standard one in primary school. Almost 20 years passed, I wonder if what my dad said is true or not, and I didn't even bother to find out.
I thought of God, and Jesus. I looked at the moon again, studied it, it was so bright, and the light came from the Sun, and the Sun's light shine according to His command. The moon seems to be so far away, is heaven that far?
All of sudden, I realized, everything and everyone are so busy doing the things, but forgot about the universe that is so vast. At that very moment, that split second, everything doesn't matter anymore.
Ah, it looks like I've still long way to go... which in reality, to Him, is just awhile more.

2011-10-27T10:20:00.000+08:00

Very gifted, truly gifted, pursue what God wants you to pursue, Pursue, Pursue what God wants you to pursue.

What He wants me to pursue, I feel so messed up, and yet, you said gifted.
I always feel like I am walking the wrong path, but sometimes, I feel like, I just need to carry on.
Someone really needs to help me to overcome this, but then I realized, none can, except God.
I will continue to be joyful despite all this, I need strength.
And I feel like, I am not doing what I like, Lord, is this really for me? If it is Your desire, merge it with mine, because right now, it doesn't seem to go parallel with mine..
Should I go back, or continue walking?

2011-09-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

It's hard, can I complain? It's really hard,
I feel like, I can't take this anymore, it's too much, but deep down inside, I know I am blessed, I know I won't be tested beyond my capabilities, but Lord, do You really think that highly on me, oh, I know I shouldn't question You, but it's hard....

And You promised me, You will be there, and this promise is what keep me going.

2011-09-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

I know it's been a real long time...
I got my car back two weeks ago...
I figure this year is not really a joyful year for me, perhaps, but as I always mention to myself, I AM GLAD THAT I CAN STILL HOPE.

Despite of all the sadness and disappointments, I am glad that I am not alone, at the very least, God is with me.
These days, well, I always think that I am too late, maybe my hormonal changes is different from the usual people, I feel rebellious, can you imagine that, I feel super rebellious at the age of 24 instead of 14, now I truly understand how it feels like. I wanna get out, and yet, I feel trapped.... So trap..

But I know, if I really want something, I will get it, God will give me, He had given me so far everything that I've asked for, everything except this one thing that maybe He thinks I am not ready to get it, I am sure you guys know what is that if you have known me well... ^^

So I have a new dream, new desire, I am going to pursue it now.

2011-08-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

Today is like the worst day of my life, well, probably is just nothing and small matter to others but I was scare, and worse, I was all alone..
I met an accident today, I am alright, but the motorist was injured, he was bleeding a lot, after sending him to the hospital for observation, he is okay finally, but my car was damaged, at the passenger side, both doors can't be open and the glass all broke.

I was not injured but traumatized psychological none the less, a lot of things I have to settle, of how am I going to segambut to settle the insurance tomorrow, of how to go to work later without my car, how to on call, so many things, of how to settle this bill and that bill after all these. I feel like my head gonna burst!!

But I thank God even in times of trouble, because the motorcyclist was okay in the end, the doctor said I don't need to pay any deposit for him(he is a foreigner, so he actually have to pay rm800 for deposit), and most of all He was with me.

2011-07-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

I love them so much, I don't know why, I just love them, and I give thanks to the Lord every day for all the memories they give me.

Where I will be in 5 years time, or next year today?

Will I still be the same?

Will I then have to courage to tell him?

Will I still be here?

Jesus, if only I can see tomorrow, I want to, so badly, but I know I am not ready..

2011-06-26T20:15:00.000+08:00

I feel so stress and tired.
I feel like The LORD is far away because I've withdrawn from Him little by little.
Other things seem to be attractive, that I thought can cure my loneliness and all that tense and stress, even though I know it's for temporary.

And I feel like I put work first before God, God is already like the second place in my heart. Even so, my superior is not satisfy with my performance although it is purely, literally purely not my fault.

God, will You still believe me? because if I am You, I wouldn't believe in myself anymore.

It was so easy to put You first back then, why is it so hard now?

2011-06-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

I have the urge to complain...
I think I am just a normal girl who needs someone to be there to hear her whine..
But after all the whining and complaining, I don't think I feel any better, in fact, I think I'll feel worse.

My car, me, or is it just me, or my car, or is it the same with everybody else??
Enough, it will pass, tomorrow, will be a greater day, a good one, the bad day will gone.
Just like dawn, before that, it was total darkness.

2011-06-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

If you have enough faith, you will know that is the answer, but then what is holding you back? Maybe you just feel like, you don't deserve it.

Been coughing since Friday, the funny part is, it will usually starts with sore throat, runny nose, then cough and fever, but this time, cough cough and cough, especially at night, feverish occasionally at night. But no runny nose and all sorts, just purely, cough. A bad one I shall say, cough till I vomited, coughing till the muscle at my stomach feel tense, I am beginning to think that I am exercising my abs muscle..

I just want this month to end soon, don't know why, and recently, a lot of staffs in my department get pregnant. Is this a pregnant season or what?

2011-05-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

I am 24, finally, but I don't feel like one.
I remember when I was 7, I looked at my seniors who were then 12, I admire them, "oh how graceful and see how they carry themselves, so mature, I can't wait to be 12!"
Finally, I turned 12, but I don't find myself graceful or anything, then I looked upon those who were 16 or 17, "Look at the way they dress, and the way they give speech on the stage, look at how capable they are, so professional, I can't wait to be senior so that my juniors will admire me as well!"
When I was 17, I think I was the same more or less. I looked at adult, I admire them.

Looking back, the way I look at other older people is the same at every stage of my life. I simply admire them, but when I turned to that particular age, I thought I will be like them, but how come I am still the same?

I admire people who are 24 when I was 19. The feeling never change since I was 7. Perhaps I should stop looking at others and start looking at myself..

2011-05-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Hey, I am so sorry for your loss, I deeply am.
But like you said, you think it is better to release him to the Lord than to see suffer, but I believe, just as we are to reconcile with Jesus on that particular day, you will be meeting him face to face on that day.

Death, the memory of my grandma is still fresh in my mind, the way she spoke to me about her life, it's mesmerizing, Oh, how I miss her.

Issac told me, I don't think when a person die, he will straight away enter heaven.
I've been thinking about it sometime ago. From the Bible, God said that everyone will be call to be judge, including the one in the grave. Everyone will be judge on the same day, but why do pastor or anyone, when conducting a wake service, will comfort us and said, he/she is in heaven now, resting in peace.
Contradicting isn't it?
Well, for me, it is not. How could we possibly understand God's timing? He can create so many different dimension of time. I always believe this, that the person is on Heaven now.
It gives me hope.

2011-05-08T23:36:00.001+08:00

You know, sometimes, I wish I have the courage.
The other day, when I was driving at night, I got lost, like, really lost, and it was raining, and I do not know why, although I looked at the sign board, which I am suppose to follow the ampang sign, I looked at it from far, or maybe not that far, and I am supposed to make that U turn, or that junction, or that exit, I will just continue to cruise straight, get stress, and then searched for another ampang sign and the same thing happened again and again a few times. That night, I used 3 hours to find my way back.

When I thought back of the incidents, I sorta had goosebumps, it's like God telling me something, it feels like God is trying to knock some sense in me, hey, why you wanna got lost? Why you still wandering around, the sigh is clear, you saw it, but you still thought you can do it your way.

I think the answer is clear, but I just don't want to get out of my comfort zone..

2011-05-02T23:02:00.000+08:00

Humans, ah, weak creature.
This is the truth, the harsh reality, that I couldn't promise you anything, because I am human.
I can be there for you, yes, for now, but I couldn't say I will be there for you forever, simply because, I am human.
Don't trust humans 100%, yes, you can have faith, that's the beauty of it, but keep the most important ones to The One Above.
Today I am like this, but I can't guarantee you tomorrow, I am still the same, which I hope for, merely because, I am a human, I don't know what the future hold.

So friends, listen to me, have faith in me, but don't give all to me, I am not worth it, because again, I am a HUMAN. I can fail you.

Have faith only in HIM, the Almighty One, The Prince of Peace, The Beginning and The End, The Savior, The Bright Morning Star, The Great I AM, because at the very beginning, He knows everything, He can't fail you, simply because He is God.(Joshua 23:14)
You can give all to Him, because He is faithful, even if we are not faithful to Him. (2 Tim 2:13)
He won't change like me, a human, merely because He is the same yesterday, today, and forevermore. (Hebrews 13:8)
He is there for you, anywhere, anytime, just because He is omnipresence. (Jeremiah 23:24)

He is the Only One whom I trust, although maybe I didn't give my all to Him, because, I am human.

2011-04-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's piling up, it's too much, and it's gonna erupt soon.
Should I hold my peace, but how much longer?
What would Jesus do? I don't know, for this matter.
If I continue to give in, will it benefit others? How many times should I give in?

I did my part, I do more than that, I know God knows, and I don't want to feel as if I am the victim. AM I??
I am not treated fairly, but I am not from here, I am from somewhere else. Why?

But at the end of the day, I didn't get less, I sow what I reap, perhaps, it should be this way, and I have no choice but to look at my fruits and give thanks to the Almighty One.

2011-03-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

It's been long since I got the mood and the time to blog. I feel like, the moment I am at the computer screen, I can't think of anything to tell! But when I am alone in my room, or in the car, or even when working, I have tonnes to say.

You know, despite of all the dissatisfaction I feel about my working environment, I actually realized one thing. I grew very dependant on God. And I can feel that God actually enjoying all the attentions that I give Him! Sounds like scary but I think it's wonderful.
I've been thinking, well, not quite a lot actually, the answer has been given me quite fast, about changing department in my working place for the past week. Should I, or should I not? Many people, including myself, encourage me to change department if I am not happy in it. Why I am not happy? Despite the kinda good salary I get compare to other departments, I find myself not growing at all! In term of skills and knowledges. I feel like as though I am stagnant. Period. Not only that, I felt like I am being used, being taken advantages of and a lot of disappointment.
I Prayed.
Because I am sure He has a reason to put me there, He won't just put me there and ask me to change department, changing department is my will but not His. I think I am not growing, but in fact, I am growing in Him, I cried out to Him everyday, I said Thank God at the end of the day, I praise Him in times of distress, I feel Him near me, I know He is here, what else shall I want? I know it's Him when I people find favor in me, when people prefer me, I know it's Him working in me.
I find my prayer life more effective, I find myself praying to know His will, to be still, to have faith even if I don't feel.
I praise Him whether I feel Him or not, because I know He is listening, He knows it. I only need to know He is here, because He is here whether I like it or not. I understand more about worship now.
I am not worship leader, I am a worshiper, anyone that can wait upon God whether he can feel Him or not, is a worshiper. I don't want credits, all glory to God.

2011-02-04T23:09:00.001+08:00

Wah, I realized that I didn't post anything in the month of January.
Anyway, a lot of things changed, like so unexpected.

It's Chinese new year now, but then, I couldn't sleep at night, thank God is holiday, because I am still digesting some harsh facts. At first, I can still accept it bit by bit, but then, suddenly I discovered something that is connected, making it harder for me to accept it. I feel like, maybe I am not good friend enough. But God is Love, Grace and Perfect.

I will forgive, definitely. Because I, or rather we had make a promise to forgive each other even if we did a great sin, even if we kill, we steal, one of us got pregnant outside marriage, we will uphold each other. I love you.

2010-12-30T20:04:00.002+08:00

It seems like, it's fast, it's ending soon, I feel changes in me actually.
These days, I mean this week, I prayed a lot, asking Him to refresh me every single day, reminding myself that the Spirit is in me, and nothing can be against me. Keep on telling myself that I do not belong here. This is the time where I totally give up all my searches, fears and uncertainties. My search for who exactly am I, what I have in me, who is my spouse, where is God, why I am still here, perhaps, all these things, drained me up, plus all the workloads I have in the hospital, job is great, but not people. I think now, I understand more. For I think I search, but actually, I am just sat there and waited for answer. I am not searching, I am waiting! Ha, bet I do not know that waiting is such a tired chores.

Christopher message me the other night. I read the message right after I woke up from a nightmare. I was sinning in that dream and yet I just doing it unknowingly, only after I woke up, I felt so gross about myself. I don't understand why, I didn't call Jesus, I didn't cast it out in His mighty name. Just like in the camp, when that 'thing' strangled me, I just lie still and be fearful, why didn't I call out His name? Things would be much different then. Ok, back to that message, after I woke up from that nightmare, I read Christopher message, he was telling me that when he prayed for me, he saw that I am married to some kinda prophet guy, and that he is taller than me and fair and I am still young. I forgot to ask him, is he a Chinese? Anyway, I don't know whether that vision is really from God or is it because I pester him everyday asking him to prophesy on who is my future husband. XD.
I sort of give up on thinking about that, God will provide, since I believe now, that I receive a full blessing from God. Things are getting more clear now. I don't know how to explain this, but I just feel more settled and not so confuse anymore.

Anyway, it's time to wrap it all up and do a recap for what had happened this year.

January
Went to Melaka as a class trip, kinda fun, shop a lot, ate that chicken rice ball, started off well, celebrated Jerrica's farewell as she will be leaving to Australia. And some special memory that Ken made on that day, he asked the singer there to sing a birthday song to me. So random. And yea, I almost die literally in this month, I got anaphylaxis reaction when I got bitten by some insects at the NS campsite. I thought, I am leaving to a better place, but somehow, God seems to think that it's not time yet.

February
The manager of the HR department in our hospital came and do some programme with us about customer service and leadership stuff. It was fun, and also, it somehow patch back my 2 friends broken relationship as they were put in the same group.
Angpaus collection!! My favourite time of the year. XD
Towards the end of the month, we need to go to orientation to the wards. We will be doing our management posting, so dreaded.
Went to hiking with the church member, I made it all the way! Actually I went this with more adult group, not youth.

March
This month is like the worst month of my college life, management posting in 5A. We will need to pass reports, follow doctors' round, serving medication, answering all the call bells, I mean, of course we were tagging with a senior staff nurse since we were only a student, we will need to know who's the person we tag, is she a nice person, and all that..

April
Dreaded month had finally ended, but finals were also in this month, on the 19th to 23rd. One stress gone, another stress come. Misery loves company. Idiot. And it's all ended with a week holiday, how miserable. But better than nothing.

May
Just as I thought everything comes to an end, we were being labeled as too free and has nothing to do, so we need to do some nurses' day event like went to this Nilai Cancer Centre, AIDS hospice centre, although I was being forced to go, it totally opened my eyes actually, I mean, if it weren't for college and is compulsory to go, I won't be thinking of going there. I somehow realized May were actually very jam pack, everything just squeeze into that poor little month. We also organised nurses' day in the hospital, went for blood bank, did our management project, Accident and Emergency project, having some gerontology test and folio, not to mention the church stuff, like GAMES day for the youth, and also attended the National Global Day of Prayer at Stadium Melawati. Thank God everything happened just right before my birthday, wee!!

June
June is a month where we did another exciting preparation. Prepare for.... Graduation day!! We were trying robes and all that, but actually we have another exam, the Malaysian Nursing board exam where we definitely need to pass this one in order to work as a staff nurse. It happened on the 23rd. This month, I went to Grace's church for a worship concert, Paradise concert, at Metro Tabernacle in Batu Caves, it was awesome, the church setting is superb and I really like the lighting at that stage.
We also had attended this lactation course which is compulsory for all nurses to go, to encourage breast feeding..

July
Early this month, we have LAN's subject's final exam and also a folio to pass up. Lan subject is actually Moral and Pengajian Malaysia which is like.. I feel unnecessary at all. It's ok, make it easier for me to enter degree next time, no need to retake it. All the farewells were happening this month. Choir club, student council, I was in this 2 only, hehe, we still have gardening club, sport's club etc etc.
We went to a trip to Bukit Gambang. It was our last trip together as classmates.. Kinda sad though..
Finally graduation day!! On the 16th, at the Palace of the Golden Horses, I am really glad that Mel and Soo ee made it. After that, was holiday for a week, only a week..And in that week, I went to sit for a driving test, the undang test, I passed at 1 go! Then have to attend induction programme in the hospital. The induction programme is an orientation programme for newly employed staffs like us. Ken organised a BBQ night at his house to end this special month.

August
Induction programme only ended on the 10th. I got the department that I choose, Operating Theatre, together with Harmit and Nasihah, only 3 of us. But the whole month of August, we were placed in CSSD(Central Sterile Supply Department) where we learnt about sterilizing and also packing and most importantly, the name of the instruments.

September
Went to shopping with Harmit and Nasihah after we got our first pay, first time went out with them, was so fun! But I didn't really get myself anything, a bottle of toner and a blouse. That's all.
And one more unforgettable event was, I went to Change Your World concert, it was held by Malaysian Christian Bamd, 1 Accord Ministry(1A.M), they are good, seriously, we got a free cd from them, I listen to it almost every day. Going to that concert, making me think twice about living the country, only hopeless people fled, I mean, those who think that the country is no good, that's why they wanna migrate, why not stay and make a change? I also enrol myself in vocal class starting this month.

October
Nothing much happen this month except that I got an invitation to Len yi won's brother's wedding. I don't know his brother actually, but I think it's a good chance to do some reunion with my form 6 mates. I failed my driving test..

November
I passed my driving test!!

December
I got my first car, Savvy,
Went for youth camp, getting myself filled once again.
Christmas service by the youths, can't believe I am still performing with the youth
I got my car a first scratch at the bumper. Perfect!

It's TIME

2010-12-20T16:35:00.003+08:00

Just came back from Youth camp, it was tiring, but then again, all camps are tiring.
I do not know how to express the how I feel about that camp.

But there is this one thing that was always in me. FEAR. I do not know why is that, why am I so afraid of so many things. Afraid of failures, and afraid of achievements! Can you believe that? In my work place, when they told me I am the best among all the new comers, my heart just sank. I am afraid. Afraid of more responsibilities perhaps, afraid that, I will need to work harder maybe, there are just too many things jumble inside of me, I am so confuse!

While during the camp, although it drained me out a little, but I manage to somehow, bring back the fire that is in me. All this while, I think I am trying to fix things alone, face it alone, buried all my fears down in me. Ignoring it as if nothing had ever happened. I don't like to express fear, it's a weakness.

Something had happened to me during the camp, which makes me expressing my fear. It was like, everything that were bottled up, could not contain it anymore and it just burst or rupture. I am scare, truly scare. The feeling was so intense! I seek the One Above, but couldn't find Him, I knocked His door, but He seems to be not listening. I felt like a total invisible!

I cried like never before, literally, I am truly scare.

Last night, I prayed, I wrote what I prayed. All of sudden, nothing else seems matter anymore except Him.

"Lord, if only 5 years time can be shorten, I only want to do Your work. Train me in this 5 years time. I want to go far for You"

2010-12-03T20:50:00.003+08:00

It's been so so long.

I feel so tired and burn out, well, kind of.

I can't believe my working life is so super hectic that I will always need to reject other appointments, like meeting friends, and chatting with them and so on. I realized I've always tell my friends, "it's not like last time anymore, I need to wake up early in the morning to work"

I feel like I am not a good friend anymore.

Thank goodness for camp in December, and some leaves which approval from the manager is still unknown.

Oh yea, I heard this conversation the other day which is quite disturbing to hear that.

Man: You know what, My daughter was asking me to put a Christmas tree at the hall but I told her no...

**************************************

Daughter: Dad, can we set up a Christmas tree?

Man: No

Daughter: Why not?

Man: Because we are not Christians

Daughter: But we always do that when we were in England

Man: Well., now we are in Malaysia and we are Buddhists

Daughter: But I like the idea of Jesus being the Savior

Man: I tell you what, Jesus didn't exist ok, and now you are still under my jurisdiction, therefore you will need to believe what I believe.

Daughter: What is jurisdiction?

Man: Jurisdiction means I am paying all the bills, your food, your shelter and I am the one who is going to determine your future.

***********************************************************************

Jesus, however, said, "Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these." Matthew 19:14

2010-11-01T21:25:00.001+08:00

So, I officially can drive now!! Wee..
So I have prove to people that we didn't need to 'bao' in order to pass. I know I failed the first time, but then, if I 'bao' and pass, it will not benefit me or anyone. Money wise, I pay less than if I 'bao' for the first time. The only thing that I regret is that why I didn't do it properly the first time.. Oh mine, I am going to miss that Uncle Chew(driving instructor), he is such a good person, just that he is really really a strong Buddhist although his whole family had already saved. He always asked me questions about my faith, he wants to know more, but yea, even though, he didn't accepted the Lord yet, I believe I had planted seed in him.
One thing that really touched me is when he told me this in one of the classes,
"You know what, when I see you, I feel so lifted up, I feel happy teaching you, it's like, when I see you, all the anger and stress gone! That is why even though you did mistakes, I couldn't scold you, I scold other students you know, I just like teaching you"
I know it must be Jesus. I think I told him it's because I always surrender all to Him even though I am rebellious most of the time. I hope I did tell him that.
He requested me to send him a sms explaining about how God exist in three because he never hear his children mention that before. I just sent him a simple one. God exists in trinity, the Father, The Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.
He said thanks to me.
I give all glory and praise to the One above.

2010-10-29T22:01:00.000+08:00

I have yet another weird dream last night, it was so real.

Usually, during a caesarian section for baby delivery in the OT, after the patient has been draped, someone will go out and ask the patient's husband to come in to witness the delivery. I have been doing that a few times, only a few times, and yet last night I dreamed that after I went out to ask the patient's husband to go to the OT room, we couldn't, or rather, me(since he do not know the way to go in I assume) got lost. We can't seem to find our way back to the OT room, instead, we ended up in some city place, I still remember so clearly, that I was running here and there with him. And kept on telling him, "We need to hurry, your baby is out soon!!" And he kept on apologizing to me, because to him, he was to blame for the reason why we got lost and being so late. Part of it, yea, actually, and I have no intention to elaborate it further here. We went up the stairs and all that, I was sweating, that guy continue to apologizing, I was so devastated, thinking that the operation must have finished by now, and that his wife will be back in the ward and the newborn in the nursery. I was practically crying..

Not only that, we are not suppose to go around city wearing the scrub suits.

Ah, Whatever.

The alarm clock woke me up, telling me it's time to go work later. My shoulder were hurt and I felt so tired, did I really ran just now?

**************************************

I've been in this vocal for almost 2 months now. Now I understand, singing is hard...

Harder that I've ever imagine. The only thing that I think I am good at, as in, better than any other musical skills that I've tried, is not so good after all! It's like, actually I am not good in music at all...

I need to practice more, I think I don't have the talent, but it can be nurture, right...

If not, what am I good at?

Last week I join the youth for awhile, learn about deny oneself and be obedient. What does it means to you? I've been asking this question to myself ever since I truly understand what God did for me, and what can I do for Him?

I imagine the 'things' I treasure most gone, can I still serve Him?

I imagine myself having no voice that I couldn't sing anymore.... At least I can sing in my heart, I can listen.

I imagine myself getting a Hep B+, or HIV or any other needle stick injury, and got myself infected, and my whole career gone, my dreams stop there, my 3 years of enduring hardship in college wasted, what will I do?

I also imagine myself involve in some kinda very deadly accident, and become ugly, skin on the face get burns for example, my external beauty is gone. I know I might not be beautiful to some, but to me, I am glad to be having all eyes and skin intact.

I imagine having to live with loneliness for the rest of my life, with no companion, though it's not a big issue for now, but sometimes, it sounds a bit scary to me.

But really, having imagine all these, I am thanking God, that this is just my temporary home.

2010-10-18T20:29:00.000+08:00

Ehem.. Today I went for driving test... And guess what? I failed the third part.. So disappointing.. so sad...
But thank God I passed the second part, those parking, naik bukit and all that.

Nowadays, I feel like so no life, everyday, go work, come back at night, shower, sleep, then the next day starts again.. This is working life? So boring... and I beginning to get used to it. That's some kinda sad reality to me.
And everyday is a scary day. I will need to think which doctor will I assist today? What is his preference? What I'll need to prepare? So stress, maybe it's a good stress, I don't know...

I feel like, I am surrounded by fears everyday, fear of this and that.
Fear of failures, fear of couldn't cope, fear of God leaving me, or me straying away.
Fear of showing people my weakness, fear of every morning, fear of uncertainties, I don't know. I am fearful.
I can't think properly.
I am tired,
I am scare.
I have fear of tomorrow.
I need prayers. Only prayers help now.

2010-10-04T22:23:00.001+08:00

"Oh dear, the Light is so far and I am so tired!"
"Can I walk with you?, I wanna walk with you, precious"
"Ok"
..........................................................................................
"Why are you walking with me? Who are you?"
"I am the One whom you are trying to reach"
"Jesus? I thought you are over there at the Light"
"Yes. I am there, but I am here, I am always here"
"Now I remember, the Spirit!"
"Look around you, you are not alone going to the Light, carry each other and they will carry you"

2010-09-28T19:26:00.004+08:00

I think it's so true that God always wanted to prove Himself.
That day, I realized that dreams that what I dreamed are related somehow to anything and everything that I saw, whether by intention or not that I want it to be remembered. Or something that has just crossed my mind, for instance, I suddenly thought of my long lost friend, and there she is, appeared in my dream, or some tiny miney thing that I thought of, like, what I would like to shop for next month and things like that.

So that are the dreams that I dreamed always. And ever since I know God, I've been asking Him I want a dream from Him, I want an answer to everything that I questioned Him. I know I am selfish. And then as time goes by, I stop asking Him because in some way or other, I have failed Him, and I have given in to some sort of temptation, that I am so weak no matter how hard I tried, that I am not worthy of His love anymore. But I still serve Him despite all this, or maybe let me rephrase, I am serving the church. Don't get me wrong, I am trying, but no answer, and when I sing, it's not that I don't feel Him at all, I still do, but not as intense as I used to feel.

One night, I had a dream, several dreams combined into one, all scattered around, like when you watch a movie, the scenes kept changing and nothing was related to each other. I saw myself shopping for clothes happily (I am getting my pay soon by the way), I saw myself being bombarded by the doctor again(this happen quite recently almost everyday last week), I saw myself in a lift where there was this extra button on the panel that people can pressed when someone is trying to rape her(I know this is ridiculous), and then this, and then that, then I was running alone, it was a church camp, it's like playing hide and seek in some dark room, like an empty old classroom, it's dark and I kept running, trying to impress someone I know was there, some guy, which I had no idea who, as I turn around the corner, I saw a light from far, a door, and it's obvious that I need to run to that door, but I was so tired and sweaty, so I thought to myself, "I will just lie there for a while, and then continue.." There I was lying prone, and do not care much about the guy I wanted to impress anymore, just for a while, but I was too comfortable to even stand back up again..
I turned my head to look at the side of the wall, I saw a clock, and then,

I WOKE UP

I am trying so hard to remember what time the clock read, but I couldn't.
I told my dad about this dream, he told me I watched too much tv.. maybe.

So last Sunday, an external speaker came and preach in my church. I heard his wife can interpret dreams, but then again, I think my dream is not that significant actually and maybe I really did watched too much shows. The wife suddenly came and approached me at the end, asking where she could wash her hands, I don't want to miss this opportunity and told her my dream. I told her everything except the part where there is this guy that I am trying to impress, because I have forgotten that part. Only after I went home, I did remember that part.
She told me, "Darkness always represent something is not good, something evil, you are trying to run away from the darkness and then you saw the light, from far, means that you have found the Light, but you are so tired from all the running and serving, maybe serving in church and you thought you want to take some rest, but you became too comfortable so the clock came in. The clock means, time is running out, stand up and run to the Light!"
As calm as I appeared at that time, inside I was shivering all over, it's so clear and obvious, and I am known as someone who possess a very good common sense, how could I not thought of it?? I think I am too engrossed in finding out the time of that clock.

That night, I was crying out to the LORD, I cried my heart out, why is the Light is so far, is Jesus not with me? Something zapped my head, Jesus still cares, if not, He wouldn't even wanna show you that, you ask for a dream, this is the one. I cried even more.

I now think, maybe Jesus is not the who is far from me, but rather I am the one who is far from Jesus.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.- James 4:8

(Image credit: ~da-punkpire)

2010-08-30T19:08:00.000+08:00

I hope if you are reading this, you will know it is for you.
I just don't understand you quite enough.
You said, "WORDS HURT, WORDS CAN BRING A PERSON DOWN, WORDS KILL"
What nonsense!
Have you heard of the saying, "Do unto others what you want others do unto you"?
Why you do this to me?
Why passing all the stupid remarks and statements to me?
It's ok if it's a joke and did not happen repetitively, you make me wonder, are you trying to bring me down just because other people bring you down?
I don't mind it so much if it's not repetitively.
How can I make you stop? I don't like to hurt others because words can kill.
But please don't left me with no choice.

2010-08-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

Hi, I am back again.. Why am I sounding like talking in Window Live. Anyway, been kinda busy for these few weeks and perhaps months because...... I started working!! Not exactly because I am learning about all those forceps name, which look alike, but have different names, human names, like, Criles forceps, mosquito forceps, bla bla bla,.. But what I enjoy most is looking and touching those instruments, we were not allowed to even go near the instruments let alone touch because it's during surgery and sterility must be maintain during our students time. And yet, I get touch and play with those instruments and also to learn what instrument set to use for which operation ^^. Anyway, maybe you guys are wondering why I can simply touch and play with them since must maintain sterility, it is because I am placed in CSSD(Centre of Sterility and Supply Department), that place whatever used instruments are sent and get sterilized again.

And also, I've been reading a lot these days, novels. Those books that I thought I would never touch, but I can't believe I find it interesting and love reading it..

This book I borrowed from Lela and Lela borrowed from her boyfriend, nice book and very gan cheong

This book borrowed from uncle, Eunice's dad, but I think it belongs to Eunice now, the whole time I read it, I keep imagined it to be a movie, I think it will made a nice movie ><

This book I read just because of the author, mind you, I didn't follow the Shopaholics series, it's because I read Twenties Girls and it was really hilarious! But I am kinda disappointed with this one, Twenties Girls is just so good compare to this one.. Will give the author another chance by reading her other book, Can you keep a secret?

Actually I don't plan to buy this book, I want to read Thanks for the memories, but I saw the book 2 in 1 for the price of RM39.90, so I think it's worth it, it's a very nostalgic book, teaching me a lot about life.. Love this author because I can really felt what the character is feeling and thinking, and yea, very creative as well, never read or expect such story.

Again, I managed to felt what the characters in this book were feeling, but then even though it's different stories, but her style remains the same, she will make her main character the saddest and paling kesian and stubborn at the beginning, then slowly learn how to soften their hearts and pick themselves up in the end..

And not only do I read books, I find myself glued to the TV screen after I come back from work... More TVB dramas, here I come!!

On the other hand, I think I should revising on some Anesthesia topic and Anatomy and Physiology of the human body to prepare myself for next week.. Sigh..

2010-07-28T20:31:00.001+08:00

Nah, here's the picture! Finally a proper family picture which my mom longs for.
This is not the end, it's the beginning...... Operating Theatre, never dream that I will choose that place, I never once considered there... I still remember, that I vowed never to go there simply because I think it's not relevant to my personality..People there for me are like robots, cold and all that.. Now God has placed me there, I don't know since when God had instilled this interest for me to work there.. Reading back this comment shows how strangely God works in my life..

2010-07-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

Why. There. Is. No. Water. In. My. House.
We. Paid. The. Bill.
And. It. Happens. During. My. Break.

And listen to my uncles and aunties very pessimistic opinions that will only add more miseries to my already misery feelings.
They told me, the management ran away with our money without paying to the SYABAS(I hope I got it right), the water supplier or whatever. So, well, GREAT, no water, for only God knows how many days more. So pathetic and annoying!
Have to carry water, have to trouble my aunts, can't flush toilet, can't wash hands and all that.

On the lighter note, I know I shouldn't complain, life is not easy. I should appreciate what I have now. At the very least, by thinking this way, I can feel more grateful..

2010-07-17T21:54:00.000+08:00

I've made it.
From last Wednesday, I am official a registered Staff Nurse, how's that?
Sorry, didn't upload any picture. will do so soon.

So many things happened this week, most of it are not good, but the fact that I passed my exam and having the graduation ceremony sort of balance back my feeling. Even the ceremony didn't turn out well for me, but at least they made my day, my friends who came and witnessed it. I am honored to have them there.
I am Happy because God had put me through.

But sometimes, I am being put to test by people closest to me.
But I'd rather be the one who hurt than to hurt others.

Jesus will heal me without condition. Amen.

2010-07-01T18:11:00.000+08:00

Remember that I told you in the previous post, that I am playing with fire? That it is too late? No, because I put it off, with God's help of course!

And to my bloggie friend, Yin Koon, thanks for your advice, I managed to turn off the source while I still had a little control over it.

I am so relieved!

Although people will get hurt, but it's a wise decision because in the end if I don't stop this, not only people will hurt, people can break down and crash..

I still love You, Jesus.

(Image credit: =tfprince )

2010-06-27T16:57:00.001+08:00

You are free, someone once told me, you can do anything, he told me, a non Christian friend.
For a moment I thought, well, is it because I am saved by grace and that I am able to do anything? But no, I wouldn't wanna hurt God, Jesus.

I feel worthless at times, that no matter how many times I fall, HE still pick me up, and then cleanse me, how many times YOU wanna do that? And not only cleanse, why still wanna fill me?? I feel so superly bad.

And now, here I am, promise YOU that I will get serious again, but LORD, my heart may fail YOU.
But I don't care, I still want to remain in Your LOVE, I need Your strength Oh LORD.

2010-06-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

I feel like, I am playing with fire,

And it's dangerous.

And it seems like there is no way out,

It seems like,

IT'S TOO LATE

(Image credit: ~in-my-mind)

2010-05-30T16:03:00.000+08:00

Thank you everyone, for the wishes and gifts, I couldn't name names, because everyone had done a lot for me, making me feel like I am owning them.. Thanks thanks thanks, and God bless! XOXO

2010-05-21T19:20:00.000+08:00

I somehow find myself super busy after final.
First, Nurses day, which involve several visitations and activities. Several=a lot!!

Then, Lan subjects, the compulsory subjects, Pengajian Malaysian and Moral which my badge have to take, and which surprisingly, we do it after we finished our diploma, last semester some more. In this we have classes, top up with 2 assignments for each subjects.

Finally, church stuff, I do not know why I include this, but yes, it is included, I know, I shouldn't complain since God will fill me right, will give strength and all, but no, I didn't feel that way, I feel tired, but if I don't serve, I can't feel any connection with God.

And actually, deep inside, I am angry, I am sorry.. But I am angry, why do they fall? Maybe it's not their fault, but then, somehow, it affected all of us, for example, we will have to take their responsibilities..

2010-05-10T21:34:00.001+08:00

I enter another phase of life, no, I am not working yet, just another new experience. Well, actually, I don't want to tell anyone about this, let's just say that I did something, and I feel like, as if, this is the very first time, I put GOD first, before myself, well, maybe it's really the first time. I resisted a huge temptation, I said NO, I feel hurt, the other party feel hurt, and I am kinda depressed, but then, I know, I'd rather he feels hurt, than HE feels hurt. For I know the love from HIM is definite, while his love, nah.. it's a question.

I LOVE YOU, JESUS CHRIST

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.- (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

(Image credit: ~dyerphotography)

2010-04-27T22:40:00.001+08:00

I passed my exam, thank God
But I feel like I am bored.
You know, when you have nothing to worry about, you will start to find things or stuffs to worry, and yes, I am worry about something.
And when you actually have nothing to worry about, you worry of why you have nothing to worry about. You get what I mean here?
Maybe this is human nature, no wonder GOD ask men to work after the fall, maybe this might be one of the reasons.
And now, I think I shouldn't worry..

2010-04-13T20:02:00.002+08:00

I hope, that you know,

I hope I am wrong,

I hope, that you are sent from above.

Only He knows, and I know, He ask me to hope.

I am waiting, for His perfect timing,

because I still hope that somehow,

that you are praying for me too.

(Image credit: Zombieplayhouse)

2010-04-05T20:04:00.001+08:00

I realized.

My immune system are getting lower.

Ever since I became the class representative.

(Image credit: http://vicdaen.deviantart.com)

2010-04-01T19:16:00.001+08:00

I don't feel quite good today, I don't know why I am selected in every little thing that the college organized or anything that involve my college.

I am already not happy about not being able to attend sunday service especially this coming sunday, and yet they wanna make me more unhappy.

mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
how u feeling now? took rest?
Becky says:
i feel ok ok la
next week i no offday
..
mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
means full working week?
coz u off today? is it?
Becky says:
no la
suppose the oni offday is saturday
but then, next sat, I am selected(again..) by some insurans company to help them do blood pressure test and blood sugar to the public or something
mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
oic...
u are very capable..
tt's why always selected for so many things..
Becky says:
then u mean i sud be happy ar..
i will fall sick mor
e
mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
dun lar fall sick.. just read this on facebook from my fren..
"Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless. 1 Corinthians 15:58 NLT"
Becky says:
...........
mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
ahaha timely ler.. aheheehe
Becky says:
yer..
so bad la
mag2218@yahoo.com (E-mail address not verified) says:
wht?
why so bad? not bad lar... God' encouragement to you..
Becky says:
make me feel bad for complaining
I think I shall stop complaining now...

2010-03-29T19:52:00.000+08:00

Finally my management posting is done. It was a real tough months for me and I am really glad that I made it. But I still prefer to look after one or two patients at a time and not a whole bunch of patients. Maybe I couldn't focus, or maybe I am too focus till I have not enough time to see all of them, well, whatever.

The BBQ that night is a success I can say, although is not perfect, everybody was happy, except that my ankle got worse. The pain was too sharp for me to bear, but today is ok, at the very least, I can touch the ground without feeling any pain.

I love the youth group now, because it grows, really grows, but I also miss the old simple gathering that the
youth has last time, where are there? I wonder what is God feelings, I am sure He got hurts. Well, as Susana told me, God gives and takes. I should learn to surrender more.

2010-03-21T21:32:00.000+08:00

I wish I can afford this

2010-03-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

This statement I saw in sticking on the church's door, many years, I ignore it, but on last wednesday, I paid a closer look on it and read it, really read it. At first I went like, "Huh?" and then I went, "Oh, I see.."

***********************************************************************

Doing management posting now. Yesterday, followed doctor's round alone and it was kinda scary, but thank God I managed to get all his orders even though sometimes I need him to repeat what he had said, he spoke to me while writing on the case notes, like as though he spoke to the paper. Did he even know that sound travel straight??
Followed another doctor's round alone and this time, and I had no idea who he was and after he was gone, I asked the Staff nurse, "Who was I following just now?" Too many new doctors around...

Hope everything will turns out fine in the end..

2010-02-28T19:39:00.001+08:00

Lord, please take my heart away before the thief comes and steal it..

2010-02-22T13:18:00.005+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!! I hope it's not too late to post anything here. First day, as usual went to my grandpa's home.

My parents ^^ on the first day of new year!

My brother, and my cousin, don't know what they were doing..

Then on the second day, or third, my ex schoolmates visited me!

My secondary school friends, Yin Jye and Ji Wen. They are so pretty!

For the youth in church, how can we forget about mass chinese new year visitation! Haha, this year, we only went to 3 houses but nevertheless, fun! Because we have to Chinese New Year Caroling.. Poor us, the bananas..

First stop, Pastor Jeffrey's house:

Me with Glory, the cute dog!

Ken was having a hard time meddling around with Alexander..

Group picture at Pastor's place! Nigel not wearing red, so obvious! We were holding chinese proverbs of blessings.

Next stop, Violet and Darren's house:

Enjoying ourselves here..

Another group picture, aiyo, Eric covered half of his face already, Reuben so cute la!!

Last stop, Chin Fan and Philip's house:

Watching Tv while waiting for lunch, yes, they prepared lunch for us! ^^

Ken, Jonas, Chris and Eric

I forgot what we were looking at, food probably..

Food!!

Of course there is no free lunch, we "Chinese New Year caroling" again

What am I explaining?? Oh yea, I was telling uncle Philip to frame all the Chinese proverbs and hang it on their walls!

Whatever..

(Photo credit: Susana and Nigel toh)

And finally yesterday, after going to Grace house, Tam, Aylene and Grace plus me of course went to Mid Valley for a movie, Wolfman! And with EON Bank credit card, owned by Tam's brother, we no need to line up for tickets and popcorns! Initially we wanted to watch The lightning thieve, but no tickets. Wolfman not so bad though..

We were too busy enjoying ourselves that towards the end only we took pictures.

Trying to think what how to pose with Aylene.. with the scarf

This is the end result!

Tam and Grace, Grace, I know you very light.. Tam, I know you very strong..

So loving.

I also wanna be loving, how good if there was a ring in the middle there.. Haha!

Angry with you, Hmp!

Then they force me to take this pictures, looking from up, it's kinda pretty..

Becky becky, faster take, it turns green!

Okok!!

Blue d, blue d, faster faster!!

wait wait wait!

Take this one too!!

-___-"

Becky becky,

I know I know, purple ma.. *snap*

Well, that's about it for a moment.. Hope to have more fun, since it is not over yet!

2010-02-09T19:41:00.006+08:00

I don't know who I've became..
I feel sick, stress and vulnerable..
They said they will support me, since they have chosen me to take this task, now I will say that they all are pushing my patience to the limit. LIMIT.

I wanted to shout it out, but I know it's not the right thing to do, because they do not know what they are doing.
I wanted to cry, but it will only show that I am not capable.

Can I just say that I am angry??

²⁶ And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”^[a]

Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,-Ephesians 4:26

⁴ Don’t sin by letting anger control you.
Think about it overnight and remain silent.- Psalm 4:2

¹⁹ Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters:

You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry- James 1:19

*GOD, Please Help me*

2010-01-30T21:49:00.001+08:00

Got this pretty star from my aunt. It sort of reminds me that Jesus is the Beautiful Light in the darkness. He is also known as the Bright morning star.

I still think it looks pretty in my room. Last night, I talked to God, I asked a lot of stuffs and and stay still, knowing that He is always there.

I begin to doubt my love to Him, maybe I love Him not enough.

************************************************************

Do not understand why I am the one that is so prone to anaphylactic reaction, do not know it can become serious until the stage that I couldn't breath.
Though all the anxiety and stress, I wa thinking of all sorts of nonsense the other day, what if suddenly I just left?
Thank God emergency treatment saved my life, couldn't believe that one minute you think it's not so serious, the next minute you couldn't breath and just when I stepped into the ER, I turned blue.
I am afraid, Lord, really, I am human. But if You say go, I will still go.

2010-01-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

Last 2 weeks, I went to a place in Malaysia, known as Malacca for foreigners, but for me, I always like to spell it Melaka. ^^ It was my first time there also.

It's actually another annual class trip. Another one to go..

Anyway, here is where we had stayed:

With my roommates, Grace and Suru

This is the view from our window, It was just too bad because we couldn't ride the ferris wheel because of the close down. I didn't ride it either when it was at Titiwangsa last time.

Hope you all don't mind this perasan picture taken by Suru, I actually like this shot because it shows the not so clear part of me. It's ok if you don't understand the "not so clear' part. ><

How could I miss this shot? This shot is a prove that I went to Melaka!

We took the trishaw, but then it's a modern trishaw since the man ride it like a bicycle instead of pushing it with their barehands.

On the way to A Famosa

Posing in front of a tablet or grave, I am not too sure..

I love the cross, reminds me a lot of Jesus

On the way back down..

It was very fun to be walking around Melaka, although it was super tired, and there was this shopping complex where Jezi and me were so into it. A lot of cheap and discounted stuffs. I bought a bag there, a pair of slippers and a pair of shoes.

Yea, trying to act nerd.. with this nerdy spec..

At night, we went to Jonker's street

This is what we had. Chicken rice ball. It's my first time trying this. It taste ok, not as different as the normal chicken rice as I have thought.

But it's not expensive either, plus with these dishes, I only paid RM8. Only Jezi shared with me.

The next day, we went to this Muzium Samudera

I am close with them in the class

And I had chicken rice ball again... sick of it..

I came with 2 bags but went back with 3 bags with the bags few pound lighter(due to shopping purposes) and body weight few pound lighter(due to the walking but not eating. Only had 3 meals in 2 days..)

Actually I have more pictures, but then again, it's hard to post all here due to the laggie of the pc.. Nevertheless, I do hope you actually enjoy this.

2010-01-18T13:14:00.000+08:00

It's lunch time now, and I am updating my blog in the computer lab in the college, which I am not supposed to.

Today it's the official day of my final semester in nursing. All is well, at least for now.

I still owe my new year resolution to the readers of this 'not dead yet' blog.
So here goes:

1. Love myself more
2. Love them more
3. Commit more in anything that I do
4. It's time to eat more solid food from God
5. Learn more but teach more also

I think that's about it for this year. I don't want to make a list of resolutions which I know I couldn't really follow.

Sorry for the brief posting but I am doing something forbidden now, and so, I must end here. Period.

New Year

2010-01-05T20:45:00.001+08:00

2010 has come. This year, I did made a few resolutions that I wish to fulfill it. I am graduate soon also.

Just a recap of what had happened in the year 2009.

January
Nothing much, just preparing for the new semester, that is, semester 4.

February
Started on the Basic life support module, something like what I've learnt last time in the ST. John Ambulance thing. I passed the thing.
The youth in church also organized a Valentine party at LookOut Point.

March
Managed to turn up for Jason's birthday at Papa John. Not really close to him, but he is kinda nice person. Here, together with college mates, we went Titiwangsa for our class trip. We had this once every semester.
Started to teach and facilitate in their Vhristian class in National Service camp situated at Semenyih. They called us, "Jurulatih Kerohanian" Such a wow name for me. Indeed, I benefited a lot from this experience.

April
I don't really like this month. I know it's Easter day. We did practise a song for Easter day but the main reason I don't like this month for the year 2009 is because it the month where my grandma passed away.
I had holiday for a week here, but mostly, I spent time seeing 'popo' dying in her house. May the Lord claim her soul into heaven.
I joined the fire drill in the hospital, it's scary, I was being carried by the 4 security guard on the stretcher from the 7th floor to the ground floor.
H1N1 begins..

May
Celebrate Waiking's birthday at Mid valley, I think we did had a good time although it's kinda last minute planning.
Nurses day ceebration, nothing much, just listen to some speech and I was in charge of the reception area.
Bowling competition at Ampang point organised by the student council(Yea, I am part of it), really fun, but my group all suck at it.
Went for this thing called Worship Central. I left my water bottle there. Sad. But the worship was great!
Gideon and the gang celebrated my birthday at Kenny rodger, they gave me a picture which was prettily edited with added dialogue... swt...

June
I started my night duty in the hospital!! Work 4 nights and off 3 days.
And that 3 days, I went for combined church camp in Perak.
Because of the H1N1, I took flu jab in this month

July
OSCE final semester exam here. Not really good but managed to passed all modules. Thank God!
Here, the seniors are having some lucheon at Asia Pacific Hotel and we, the juniors got to go as well, ate a lot since it's a really nice buffet. What's more, we don't need to pay a single cent for it!
This month, I started prayer and fast for the national day.
Not only that, I started to worship lead on Sunday service in this month. The songs (On my lips, Evermore, Lord of lords, This is our God)

August
Started semester 5

Nothing much except for the grooming session in college where some external people came and taught us how to make up and stuff.
Got to participate in paintball organised by Nicholas in the youth. First time playing. Scary...

September
Started Hip Hop dance class by Sister Lydia in church.

October
Kolam competition in college for Deepavali, didn't win anything but it's a nice kolam nonetheless, I mean my group.
Went to Hospital Bahagia Ulu Kinta for psychiatric posting.. Learnt a lot from there.

November
Preparing for final exam, but not me, I mean other people. I am still relaxing here.
This month got a lot of talks by the doctors, everyday have to stay back, so boring.
College photo session here.
College sports' day.
Started to practise for carolling in the hospital, I was put in charge. But thanks to James also, for helping me be the guitarist.

December
Final semester 5 exam.
Practice and practice for choir
Practice and practice for hip hop
Carolling is done, it was a successful one
Christmas presentation is done(Hip Hop) also. It was great.
On the last day of 2009, Jeziyel, one of my classmates finally joined Mei Yee and me for a movie, AVATAR.

I will probably post my new year resolution the next time I online. I know it's late, but the sky is getting darker now and I need to go back now from my grandpa's home.

2009-12-15T14:12:00.000+08:00

Finally, my exam is finished!!
Actually, not really, OSCE is tommorow, but I am so relax right now. Can you imagine that I already know all my paper 1 results? I passed all!! Hehe.. I think I have improve this year, all because of God.

And now, I am at my brother's place, he cut my hair, and now he is perming my hair. His colleague too! My brother is teaching him, so I am sort of like for experimental. But it's ok, my brother is here to see see and look look how he is doing.
By the way, I am using his boss' notebook. ^^

Christmas is coming.. I can't believe it's the end of the year now, so busy with the college's carolling thing, and that hip hop thing in church.. And dinner in Flamingo hotel organised by the hospital. Literally being forced to go there, just because I stayed in KL. But it's ok, since I got nothing to do anyway, but then, I don't know what I should wear, because the theme is 1malaysia, have to wear traditional clothes??

I have a lot of things to tell, but then I think I am having thought block right now..

Oh yea, I remember 1 thing. I heard God's voice, literally, auditory one.
It just happened a few days ago, which begins like this,

As usual, I woke up in the morning at 0600 when my phone alarm's rang, then I will hit the snooze button and 9 minutes later, it will rang again..
So after I hit the snooze button, I continued to doze off, believing that by 0609 it will rang again...
All of sudden, I felt someone tapped my shoulder and said, "Hey, it's time to wake up! It's gonna be late!" I woke up, I thought mom is the one who woke me up, but no, it was still dark and the door was still closed. I looked at my phone, it's already 0615. And then I realized, I didn't snooze the alarm, but pressed 'Turn off' instead. My goosebumps went up because after that, I am very very sure that that voice is Jesus' voice. I prayed a prayer and went to the bathroom.

I am still wondering, does He has another meaning when He told me it's already late and wake up..

2009-11-27T20:31:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I last 'kena' tagged..
So here goes, it's from Susana, but it's kinda hard though because have to put a realistic Christmas wishes..

Rule 1: Must be affordable to many (so please don't state your dream gift like Diamond Ring, brand new car, a pet doggy etc..) Something your friends can afford.

Rule 2: Useful things please. (Don't give me toys.. haiyo.. how old are u? unless!!! You are a girl!! If u are a guy.. I'll Knock your socks off!!!)

Rule 3: Something Ppl can buy off the shelf. (Please lar don't tell me special edition card or book that is no where to be found.. that one wait for your special someone to buy for u..)

Rule 4) At least 10 in the list of gifts.

OK.. that's all lar I think.. Let me start with my Christmas list :D

1) Book, I want The time traveler's wife by Audrey Niffenegger.

2) Another novel, The Gift by Cecelia Ahern
3) Er.. Maybe a jacket.. my jackets all worn out..

4) A watch

5) Dressing scissors, (The one that looks exactly the same as the church's first aid box, I have lost mine...)
6) Foldable nice umbrella, my umbrella cacated d..
7) A student Bible
8) Pillow, I mean the one that you actually sleep on it at night, not those couch pillow.. my pillow also cacated

9) A nice japanese buffet
10) A phone!! Handphone.. which the functions must be more better than my current phone.. (I know I side tracked with this one.. ;P)

And now I wanna tag

- EUNICE LOW, COMPULSORY TO DO, WAJIB, YAT TING!!

- JOO ying

- Joo ee

- Crystal

- LAwrence

- Angeline

- Yin Koon

Anyway, I think I have a new option of where I wanna work besides Intensive care unit, that is... tadada, Operation Theater. Actually from the beginning I've vowed that I will never choose there because of this one reason. There is not much nursing care there.
But one will never know until you actually step into OT. It was very interesting besides all the stress that a novice will face there. Besides that, one very particular reason that makes me interested in that area are because of the office working hours.
But after all, there sure will be pros and cons there. Working there means I need to be very alert(well, actually this apply to all units), knows all the surgeons' style and the lists go on..
P/S: I kinda don't like an anaesthetist there..

But I am not worry, because I know the One above will choose the unit that suits me best.

2009-11-23T20:41:00.000+08:00

Here I am again.. Got a lot to write but do not know how to start.
Yesterday, I felt so empty, just all of sudden, I don't sense God in me. At first, I do not understand why.
I suddenly felt that I longed for Heaven and God. I miss Jesus so much and yet, I couldn't sense Him. I felt so dirty, so filthy, I felt like this world is so full of darkness, that I should leave this place but part of me told me that this is where human like me, so dirty and shameful belongs.
And I think I know how I got this feeling. Yesterday in the church, pastor handed me a booklet about Iran. Basically the whole book is about asking us to pray for Iran's revival. And as I flipped those pages, one particular page moved me quite deeply. I saw a picture of a young guy taking drugs. Injecting heroin into his jugular veins. Another side of the picture showed how he will use a string or rope to tie around his arm so that injecting drugs into his vein will be easier.
I felt so disturbed, almost wanna cry and kept on asking God why them? Why?
They are being eaten away, and the more they crave, the more empty they feel, and the more empty they feel, the cravings will become stronger. And this will go on and on till their souls left them.
I grief for them, and share the same emptiness they feel.
All of sudden, I felt like I am so bless with things that I do not deserve at all. Things are just so not fair here on Earth!

2009-11-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

Finally I saw them reunited, and I am so glad. After all, it proves that GOD hears prayers. To the one that I have been praying, thank you for sharing your hurts to me, but I am so relieved and touched after I received your sms yesterday. I will continue to pray for you. After all, true friendship is much more worthy. I believe it is always never too late to forgive someone.

Tomorrow I will be skipping youth service in church again and it shall be a long day for me. Lecture in the morning and posting in the hospital till 9pm. I want to get 2 more holidays for Christmas, therefore I will need to replace the posting hours that will be lost. Can you believe it, all of my end sem holidays is pushed to the Chinese New Year holidays, mainly because most of my classmates want to celebrate it longer. Couldn't blame them, they will need to go back to their hometown. As for me, 1 day for Christmas holiday surely wouldn't be enough for me. That's why I am really grateful that my tutor let a few of us replace those hours earlier.

Anyway, wish everyone a nice weekend! ^^

2009-11-11T20:59:00.001+08:00

Finally all class tests were done.
Now only waiting for final semester exam and then I will proceed to the last semester of my course.

Looking at my friends today, I was thinking, after 8 more months, I won't be able to see them everyday again. half of them will be heading to Penang and Singapore. Therefore, I must really treasure them. I am truly glad, that throughout my 2 and a half year here, I do made a lot of friends, in fact, I do not have any conflict to anyone of them. To say that I do have any conflict with any one of them from the beginning will be a lie. I am glad that every conflicts that I encountered were solved, fast. Really fast as I am a very direct person. I do not like to avoid conflict, I prefer to clarify things as soon as possible.

I told one of my classmates that I do not like to work in paediatrics ward, nor nursery. When ask whether I would prefer psychiatric patients, I told her no as well. And she told me, she knew it, because she thinks of me as a very direct person, do not like to beat around the bushes before answering, or to get an answer. I was a bit confused at that moment until she told me that handling kids and mentally ill patients means I need to act like one of them, or be very stern and all this are so not me.
I understand now.
No wonder I am so bad in acting.
No wonder I can't play, "Honey, I love you" game.
No wonder I don't like paeds ward.

Anyway, seeing the conflict that my friend had with her best friends really hurts me. I couldn't understand why. It's just a very small mistake that she had made, why do they not think of how much their friendship worth more than that? Why so cruel? I have tried to confront her friends, one told me she needs time, another told me she is better off without her. And another told me, she can forgive but she can't forget. What utter nonsense!!
Need more time? How much? We will be graduating in less than a year.
I just do not understand, seeing her cry every day, it hurts.

Kolam competiton, Part 2

2009-11-02T19:48:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the delay, but I was really busy over the past few days because of some assignments and tests...

Anyway, I am kinda lazy to put words again, so do enjoy those pictures. All the groups have 3 hours to get it all done.

My group..Getting ready... All wearing traditional costumes..

Actually, I really like this group's design

Nice or not, my group's design??

Almost done

Very neat

Going to finish!!

This is the earliest group who finished this, done by our clinical intructors

The final result

I must emphasize this again.. It's my group work. Hehe..

Judges were judging our work..

This group got the third place

This group got second place

And this group is the winner!! (sorry for the low quality image... I also don't understand why..)

Well, that's about it.. I hope you guys enjoy this. ^^

At least we got the fifth place..

2009-10-25T20:55:00.001+08:00

Plan to post about kolam competition part 2, but then couldn't upload those pictures..

A lot had happened in this week, and looking at other people, sometimes, I can see myself.
Yesterday I was doing multimedia during the Youth worship session. Looking at the youth praising and worshipping God, I somehow can see their genuine faith towards God. And when I looked at them from behind, I realized, each of them has a special gifting. And I am in no position question God why I have not yet discover mine..

And about what I have told Nic and Ken about being single is not so m uch of a bad thing by quoting Mother Theresa's example, is kinda true actually. I did pray about it actually, and I told God, whatever is His will, let it be done. If I am to stay single, then single be it, because right now, I just want to do His will.
And today, when I sang the third song to God, "To the ends of the earth", I really mean it with all my heart.
I have found my calling long way ago, but I couldn't really accept it, just like how I couldn't accept nursing last time.

Now that I am clear about everything, I guess it's time to stop asking God how and why or doubting myself. He just ask me to go, and that is all I need to do.

And I would give the world to tell Your story,

Because I know that You have called me,

I know that You have called me.

I've lost myself for good within Your promise,

And I won't hide it, I won't hide it.

Jesus I believe in You,

And I would go,

To the ends of the Earth,

For You alone are the Son of God,

And all the world will see,

That You are God,

You are God.

-To the ends of the earth by Hillsong-

Kolam competiton, Part 1

2009-10-16T20:06:00.001+08:00

Kolam competition was held in our college again! Although the theme this year is a little bit different than the last year's one, the design for all our kolams is almost the same. This year's theme is 1MALAYSIA

Our group name is "Nasi Lemak" I do not know why the Edibo club wants us to name our group using Malaysian cuisine. We have, Jeziyel as our group leader, Joan, Lela, Harmit and myself in this nasi lemak gang.

And well, I will just show pictures here as they will tell the story very clearly for you.

Tools..

We are using coconut pus this year compare to the rice that I used last year. We got this from the wet market for free. All thanks to Jeziyel. ^^

We were actually trying to estimate how much pus we should be using here..

Random picture showing how Harmit and me were mixing the colors and trying to color the coconut pus. It's kinda taxing because we were using poster colors that were really hard, we actually need warm water to dissolve it. But we are glad, because we did not spend on anything at all.

This is how it looked like after coloring.. We need to put it on the papers to dry it up.

Harmit was seen sort of checking out the colors to see if it's well blend, or maybe she was just pondering on something

while Jeziyel did a smarter thing, that is, posing in front of the camera

All of sudden, we got inspiration to pose with our unfinished masterpiece

Another one

Of course, after everything, we ended up with the cleaning of the house..

2009-10-14T20:27:00.217+08:00

Last week, I was posted in the hospital bahagia for my psychiatric module. I was kinda lazy at first because I had pack my luggage. Some more have to pack quite a number of things since I will be staying there for almost a week.

Camera is totally prohibited inside the hospital due to the confidentiality of patients. And tell you what, the hospital is really so much different from my imagination! It doesn't look like a hospital at all. In fact, it looks more like a campus or some universities and true enough, a few colleges are situated inside, offering medical line courses. Anyway, the building and those roads here and there remind me of Universiti Malaya.

Because I can't take pictures in the hospital, most of the pictures I post here will be the pictures of the railway station. We actually need to cross the railway to go to that hospital.

We were all placed in a women's area due to safety reason. I was truly confused on the first day. Patients were seen walking aroung freely in their dorm(I called it a dorm rather than ward since they most of them stay there for years or months) or across the corridor area.

I also can hear them screaming and shouting away, those screamings were disturbing to me, and honestly, as calm as I was, I was a little scare. Because I don't understand why they scream, is it because they were happy, elated, or sad or angry. And they will be like, "Hi, missy!! Hello missy!!, Missy, you are very pretty la" A few of them even came near and wanna touch me, smell me or whatever. My friends were holding unto me so tight, just because I was the group leader.... A few of them were just roaming around doing repetitive actions(catatonic schizophrenia) such as rolling of pills, pulling their shirts, and more.

But as I get closer to them, as I began to talk and chat to them, they seems to be pretty normal to me. The staff nurse told me, it is because they took their medications to control their hallucinations. The way they administer medication was of course different from those in the normal ward. The nurse will call them by name one by one and ensure that they really swallow the medications.

I am truly glad that I get a lot of chance to communicate with the patients. I admit yes, I communicate with them according to their flow. I can't possibly speak to them like how I speak to you all. Just like how you will speak to a kid, you will add in some kiddy character in. So I was kinda having a tough time talking to them, because I was afraid, one wrong sentence might cause them to be sensitive and thus, be aggresive. Couldn't blame me, because I have yet any experience by then. A few of them even shown some funny actions which I have never seen before and I don't acknowledge them as foul language sign. Here are the few examples of our conversation:

PT: Missy, how are you ar? Eaten?

Me: Good, I have eaten. You?

PT: Missy, you got money or not?

Me: No wo..

PT: You think I got money or not?

Took quite some time to think what to answer because I was scare I might answer wrongly

Me: Moderate la

PT: You can buy house and car for me ar?

Me: No lo... I also got no money

PT: You no money how you come here??

Me: College paid for me la.. (I was lying)

PT: I see.. But if you no money, how come you can wear earrings wan??

Me: Oh, this earrings ar..... friends give me as a present..

PT: Oh....

Me: Ok la, I need to go already, we speak later ok

PT: Okok

PT: Missy missy, I got story to tell you!

(Pulling my hands)

Me: Yes? What you wanna tell?

PT: I wanna tell you hor, last time when I was 15 that time, got a guy pull me to somewhere and took off my pants and he started to lick my down there..

Me: (Feeling uneasy because she was so direct) I see, how old are you now?

PT: I 45 already..

Me: Well, since it happened so long ago, I hope you can let it go, do not think so much..

PT: (Seems to think for a while).. Ya lo, I know I should, but I just can't seem to forget..

Me: I know I know...

I felt so down and sad at that time, because I just don't understand how she might felt at that time, and how she felt in those 30 years, thinking about the incident over and over again...

Yet another conversation which I couldn't forget. This patient seems to have another imaginary friend which helps her to communicate with others. I saw her reading newspaper and talking to herself, so I just went to her and started a conversation.

Me: Hi, can I know what is your name?

PT: (talking to herself... for 10 seconds), her name

Me: Oh, my name is Rebecca, how long you've been staying here?

PT: (grumble to herself again.. this time I listened what she grumble to herself, or rather, her imaginary friend).. "oh.. She asked me how long I have been staying here.." 2 months lo..

Me: Oh, who are you talking to just now?

PT: (She asked who am I talking to..) He and you lo..

Me: Who is the he?

PT: (She asked who is the he..) Someone lo..

Then she smiled.. I also smiled..

Me: Who?

PT: (She asked who ar..) Someone lo.. Missy, you got boyfriend ar?

Me: Me, no la.. the he is it your boyfriend?

She just nodded and smiled blushingly..

Me: I see.. he always talk to you?

She nodded more shyly this time..

PT: Missy ar, I wanna eat already, I go take food ok..

Me: ok...

All of sudden, I felt like as if I have been there a long time ago.. Patients starting to talk to me and I more or less get to know why they have gone mentally unsound. Most of them are because of heridatary factor. The nurses there told me, their mothers had been there before, now the daughters and sisters. That is why genetic counselling is vital to those who got family history of mental diseases.

Not only that, most of them were raped before when they were very young. I think God plays a very important role in healing after rape. Not only rape, but other problems as well. Because most can break down easily thinking that it is the end of the world.

And most of them are very gifted in one way or another. There was this patients who can draw very well, I mean really well, she drew a few potraits of my friends, I can say 85% looked exactly like them especially in her shading skills. She is a very detail person as well. She has bipolar disorder, mania with depression. If she is depress, she will use the nail clipper and cut her toe nails till it bleed.. That is why I can see a lot of scars on her toe... She told me she wants to go back, but no one wants her back home.

I was deeply moved at that time. Why would her own family members wanna disown her just

because she is senile? I felt a little angerness towards her family members actually but after, I couldn't judge, as I do not know the whole story.

On the third day, I was actually placed in the psycho geriatrics ward. The patients there stayed for years and years already, some even more that 30 years! For me, the are not really mentally unsound, they are more like kids, since they speak like kids and act like one, or forgive me for saying this, more like mentally retard. But I really enjoyed there. I got to listen to them sing, and play games with them. A few of them even dianosed as Alzheimer's disease sufferers.

As the staff nurse Aminah who is working in that ward was explaining in details about psycho geriatric ward to us, I saw a few tear drops rolling from her eyes.

She told us, most of them are fit to go back, but the family members would not want them back. The nurses can't even get to give them a phone call, and no one would come to visit them. It been years and years. Even if they do come and visit, they wouldn't admit that she is their mother and would rather told the nurses that they are their friends or neighbours. But it is obvious that they are their family members. I do not understand why mentally unsound people are being look so down by the society. It's not their fault for being senile. I believe the patients do not wish that all these disease be fall upon them? It's no wonder why SN Aminah cried.

I have never seen such a large cute bag before ^^

Other than that, I also got to play a lot of games with the patients. Games like congkak, which I never touch for ages, snake and ladders and also carom.

Although it was really tiring playing with them since a few of them would really love to play but had no idea at all about how to play... Well, as long as they are happy.

Oh yea, the food in Tanjung Rambutan outside the hospital are really cheap and tasty. There are a lot of shops selling very cheap clothes, shoes and bags. I went for window shopping there. I even bought a jacket from there.. because I did not bring any blanket there, thus, freezing through the night.. Thank God for that RM11.90 jacket.

In that hospital, patients are not only doing routine things like eat, sleep, take medications and that's it. Some patients are fit to work, so they are send to work outside or in the occupational therapy area, like checking gloves, sewing, and also gardening.

I really like the gardening part, because they will have their own market(Pasar Tani) to sell the things that they harvest. I was very busy throughout the posting and I didn't have the chance to buy any of it, but from what I saw from my friends' the fruits and vegetable are very fresh.

The doughnut there, not make by them though, but from some bakery, are the nicest one I've ever taste. It is just a simple doughnut with sugar, but it is so super soft!! Really, the best one! I managed to bought the chocolate mousse cake as well for my family, mom told me it is very nice, and it is not too sweet as well and very light.

On the last day of the posting, we are required to organise a party for them. Although a lot of impromtus here and there, we managed to do a good job. The patients were very happy, especially during the games and the perfomances time. A lot of them wanted to sing and they really sang their hearts out, hearts as in what actually they feel inside. The lyrics were very saddening, and touching. I wonder, is this how they express themself since I couldn't see their real expresion in daily life. It's like a mask covering them. But when they sing, all of sudden, I couldn't see that they are sufferers of mental illness, but a sad person. A lot still need to be told.

By the end of the day, I still do not know, how these people are going to be save. Will they understand a word about Christ? Will they understand about God's grace? But one thing I am sure of is that He really loves them. If all the world do not love them, at least, He loves them.

I am glad that I went there, truly am. I know, it's God's plan to reveal all these to me, to let me experience this, to remind me how blessed and rich I am, but after all God gives honor to the poor...

"Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field." -James 1:9-10

2009-10-10T13:43:00.007+08:00

That day, is Mid Autumn festival. And just like the years before that, my family members will gather at my uncle's house. This year, somehow is a little bit different, since Popo is not here.

I still remember I used to cry when my tanglung got burned, and brother will looked at me in pity and let me share his. That time, was also my first time experiencing nose bleed, when I saw few drops of blood on the floor and started to wonder where it came from.

This year celebration although a little mundane, but nevertheless, I still enjoyed it to the very bit

We also celebrated grandpa's birthday on that day. I pray that one day, his heart and mind and eyes will be open to know You, to see Your truth and to experience Your Salvation, I pray that, all these will happens before he has to come to past.

I wonder when grandpa was asked to make a wish, what wishes he had made.
But I believe, that he wished, not for himself but his children and all also grandchildren. That is all his concern contains, his family members who he deeply love and had always long that somehow, they will see him more and speak to him more.

I hope that, when I step into the working world, I will not forget this lonely grandpa of mine. Lonely as in, in his heart. I know you love Popo very much. More than I do.

2009-10-03T18:36:00.000+08:00

This week seems to be a really hectic week, it's no wonder that I couldn't update my blog. There is this one thing good about being in Ward doing Clinical Experience, no exams, and very little study. Not much things to be stress on.

Tomorrow morning will be heading to Hospital Bahagia, Tanjung Rambutan for my psychiatric posting. I still couldn't figure out why my tutor apart from putting me in charge of this whole thing, put me also leader in case study for mania, thus, creating more tension in me. But thank God, I manage to delegate most of the things to my other friends, and my partner(there is 2 leaders to in charge of the whole group) is really helpful, and it seems like she did most of the thing. Well, I provide the idea, she helps me to carry it out, should be fair enough right.
The thing is, a lot of things still haven't conform yet, so a lot of impromptus will have to be done there and then.

I will be skipping church tomorrow, wonder what shall I do with my Hip Hop dance thing as I already skipped last week and shall skip again tomorrow.

Wish me all the best. God bless ^^

2009-09-23T20:27:00.003+08:00

My friend,
Just wanna let you know that you are not alone. God is there.
I know it is so easy for me to say that God is there for you when you couldn't feel Him, when He seems to be so distant from you, when your prayers seem to be no answer.

But it's time for you to rise up, stand up, and fight against it, not to be defeated and feel defeated, for the battle has already won. And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. -Ephesians 6:10-12(The Message)

A jug of sour wine was standing by. Someone put a sponge soaked with the wine on a javelin and lifted it to his mouth. After he took the wine, Jesus said, "It's done . . . complete." Bowing his head, he offered up his spirit.- John 19:29-30(The Message)

You will always remain in my prayer, but it is still up to you whether you want to wake up or not.

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud NO to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.- James 4:7-10(The Message)

Here, I am not telling you about how spiritually strong I am, I am just as weak as you, and what you are going through now, I couldn't possibly understand as different people will walk a different path, encounter different storm, and experience different turbulence of life, but remember, everybody will still face challenges in life, it's just that how you react unto it.

But I've learn to endure each time I am being put to test, and I hope you too, for God will not test you on the things that you can't handle.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.- 1 Corinthians 10:13(The Message)

Raya

2009-09-21T12:52:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went to Lela's house to celebrate Hari Raya.
It can be consider the first time I ever celebrate Raya with my friends and it really feels nice. I love the sight of it and of course the food!! (even though I got diarrhea today due to the beef)

Well, I will just post a few pictures here as you can actually see more pictures in my facebook account.

With Lela and Harmit

Started of with cake and it's really taste very nice, honest!

Then the ingredients to create a tasting noodle

Tada!! I mixed myself one, I think I had 3 bowls, ^^

Then the ketupat dipped with variety of sauces

And ended with this Red Bean Ketupat. It's actually the first time I tried this!

~Selamat Hari Raya~

2009-09-18T18:34:00.000+08:00

Finally I have the time to update my blog. I have changed the whole image of my blog, and updated my link list.

Watched a movie yesterday before I went to Steph's house with the gang to play Monopoly.

Where got Ghost?

The movie is really funny, although it is a bit lame. What I did not expect is that it actually has 3 different stories in a movie. But all in all, it contains a few moral values in it so I think it's not a waste to watch it la.

Some more I really had a good laugh there. The first story is my favourite and the second one is my least favourite. Go watch yourself and you will know what I mean.

Thanks to Pei Ling and Lela for watching the movie with me!!

ps: I can't believe I didn't bankrupt in the monopoly game yesterday! ;>

2009-09-06T21:21:00.014+08:00

Plan to post this last week, but the connection had failed me.
Anyway, these are the pictures taken during the break for our presentation. Finally the project is over, and I feel so free!! We've been working really hard for the past few months just because of this presentation. And guess what, it doesn't even carry a single mark for or end sem final.

And to relax ourselves during the break, we did some funny posing for entertainment's sake.
And now, I present, "Women In Black or Budget Bodyguard, whatever you guys feel comfortable with, ;P"

Me and Gauthami.
Oh yea, the Dark Glasses belong to the group which were doing "Blindness" for their presentation

With Lela, who is our client. She hires us because she needs protection from us as she is kinda clumsy

All of sudden, Cyrilla wants to hire us as she is a very rich person.

Due to our popularity of doing our job so well, another client! Jeyanthi!

Farah just hire us for photograph sake as she thinks we are the coolest pair in town

Group photo with all our clients for advertising purposes

After all the presentations, the middle one is our tutor in charge, Ms. Jan Kaur

2009-09-02T21:17:00.005+08:00

I think all the staffs in the hospital where I will be working in will talk and act like a robot.
Instead of saying, "May I help you?", we have to say, "May I assist you?" or "May I excort you?"
Not even saying "Hi" in the hospital is appropriate anymore.

And instead of saying "Welcome" when people thank us, we have to say, "It's my pleasure"

Now, if I am to do some hygienic care for my patient, say.. cleaning the perineum, after I did that, the patient thank me, and I will need to tell him that, "It's my pleasure"

Utter nonsense! When we brought this concern to our tutor, her replies was just, "Well, just show your poker face when you say that to the patient to show that this is out hospital standard"

Ya, we will become androids working there, not humans anymore.

2009-08-18T21:03:00.003+08:00

So many people sick nowadays..
And I thought I won't get it..
I hope I won't get sick though I really get a very bad feeling about it. I was walking and running in the rain yesterday and today I don't feel like myself.

The assignment that was given to our group today is really tasking. Can you believe it, I never sleep at all in the college today! I will usually spend at 15 minutes in the college for a quick nap, but today, none! I was just browsing, reading, looking for information, digest information and disccusing about the assignment with my groupmate.

And despite how tired I am today, I couln't take my evening nap at home. Maybe because it is i had stop this habit for a few months already.

I hope everything will be fine for tomorrow's presentation, that is, if my group is going to present it tomorrow.

2009-08-07T19:49:00.009+08:00

GALATIONS 6:2

Found this picture while doing some devotional yesterday. I actually like this picture which is found in the Good News Bible, because it literally shows how they carry each other burdens.

Just by the picture alone, I can feel some sense of comfort, because I know, my burden will always be lighter as those who are around me helps me with my burden. and I with others.

I have been praying these days, asking God to show me which direction I should go, what His purpose for me. Either I am not listening, or God ask me to wait.

But then, today I realised one thing. Throughout these 3 weeks, from the time I started fasting and praying, God has given me a lot of opportunities to share my personal testimony. It just happens like that when all of sudden, a few friends asked me why I decided to join Christianity.

And there, another bunch was talking about end time coming, and there I was, explaining with Matthew 24 about how the end time will look like.

Yesterday, another few friends asked me about why I convert as well. I told them the story, and then, and explain the concept of Christianity. It's not about religion, it's about relationship. I can feel Him.

But then, they couldn't accept the forgiveness part of God. They believe that anyone must receive punishment. They told me that their religions teach them that everyone will suffer the consequences of sinning but when they do good deeds, or pray, it helps to lighten the punishment. They couldn't accept the fact that if a person killed someone, he can just be forgiven when he accepts Christ and be free with punishment. They told me, it's not fair.

That's why it's a free gift! That's why He died, it's not not fair, yea, I agree it's not fair, but it just happens that God loves us so so much that He couldn't bear to see us receive punishment.

I further explained.

I pray that one day, God will touch their hearts.

2009-08-05T19:40:00.006+08:00

It seems to be ages since I last update my blog. The truth is, I don't know how to put my feelings in words or sentence anymore.. As I browsed through my pictures in my pc folder just now, I came across these pictures. Pictures that I never really pay attention of, yet, carry a lots of meaning. How I miss those times.

These pictures were taken by Nigel and Susana last year, when Susana was pregnant with Alexander for 2 months if I remember correctly. Maybe she thought that she won't be able to spend more times with us after the baby is born, thus, the outing with us. But the truth is, I always believe, that she is and will be always there for us as long as she is able.
Thank you, Susana, may God bless you for your faithful heart of taking care of His people.

2009-07-07T18:04:00.005+08:00

Jesus,

I have always love You,

Always,

And I always miss You,

Yet, my heart and my flesh have always fail You,

No matter how much I grieve for You, and love You,

Still, You love me with this everlasting love,

This vastness of Your love will always remain a mystery to me.

Jesus,

It actually feels nice to love You,

maybe I am selfish, but one of the reason I will never let You go is,

I know that Your love for me is definite,

It is conform and will remain unchange,

Forever.

It is a covenant that You had made for me, since the beginning of time,

It is also Your desire to pour out Your love for me.

I feel so secure to love You,

All because I know You love me more.

Lord,

Thank You so much,

Teach me how to love,

How to forgive, just like You did to me.

2009-06-23T19:24:00.003+08:00

Heard that some BBGS heritage will be going on in Pavillion on the 4th August from Mel.. Kinda reminds me of the Centenary Song where I sang during my secondary school times. I was in choir club back then, therefore, we need to perform the song every year.

Centenary song (1993)

If through these walls,
we can hear the stories long ago,
Those BBGS dreams their hopes and more,
If through these walls, we can see the days before,
We'll see the joy, the rise and growth,
Every smile that greets hello,

Names may change and faces pass,
But the tune's the same we'll make it last,
We'll learn these words before they come to pass,
BBGS in my heart, ten decades we've grown to love,
Add a hundred more, my heart will still belong,
Within these cherished walls.

Here on these walls, I found meanings of love,
To conquer fears to wipe the sorrow tears,
Here I learnt of friends, learnt to give a helping hand,
And when I'm lost, they'll guide my way with God's will till the end...

Names may change and faces pass,
But the tune's the same we'll make it last,
We'll learn these words before they come to pass,
Within these walls we've built our lives,
For a hundred years it stayed with us,
Let us keep it standing strong...

Lyrics and music by Raja Ismahan and Nik Serena

2009-06-18T17:54:00.003+08:00

This week, I wake up early, at dawn and tried to do my quiet time. I think it's not me, but God woke me up. I still think I need to pray more and communicate more with Him. I want to know more about myself, my life path as I am following Him.

The other day, while chatting with a Christian friend, he suddenly gave me this statement, "So you can't expect from God"

I was like, huh? I thought we are suppose to expect from God, I am taught this way. So I voiced out my question.

He then told me, it's expectancy vs expectation.
Expectancy is waiting for what God is going to do according to His desire and will but expectation is waiting for what God is going to do according to our own desire which sometimes can be a selfish one.

I think I understand more now.

2009-06-11T16:41:00.003+08:00

I am in the mood to blog again, hehe..

I always wonder why does God being so faithful to after all that I have done, and all of sudden, I feel like, it's always been answered all this while, just that, I don't want to admit it myself, or rather not satisfied by the answer. But this Word has been in my mind for these few days and I want to share it out.

2 Timothy 2:11-13 (New Living Translation)

11 This is a trustworthy saying:
If we die with him, we will also live with him.

12 If we endure hardship, we will reign with him.
If we deny him, he will deny us.

13 If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful,
for he cannot deny who he is.

2009-05-24T18:27:00.003+08:00

Well, I have made my decision. And, I am going to church camp!! Unfortunately, only 3 people will be going, and I am the only youth who will be going.

But at least I hope I can bring back something from there. And I get to meet Lawrence and Wendy if possible so actually I am kind of excited.

This whole week, I was doing my posting in Klinik Kesihatan Ibu dan Kanak-kanak. It feels kinda amazing to palpate the mummies' tummy and locate the head of the feotus. But I don't really fancy public health yet at the same time I really admirer those who choose that line.

2 more days is my birthday. I almost forgot all about it due to the busy weekdays till today I saw the church bulletin and realize only 2 more days. Well, I don't really expect anything this year, maybe because I am looking forward to a lot of things nowadays.

Anyway, I think that is all for now. Next time I promise I'll upload some pictures ok, I scare my camera will 'berkarat'

2009-05-17T16:40:00.004+08:00

what I want?
what You want?
Is this what I want?
Or this is what You want?

I am so confuse, Lord, uncover the veil, I am blinded by a lots of thing.

Joy is within me, and is in me.
He is in me, and I will let the Spirit in me pray, for I do not understand myself, but rather, the Spirit within me does,
So I will open up my heart and receive the Joy that had promised to me.

2009-05-10T16:49:00.003+08:00

Mom,

1 day, I will take your hand and run away with you, run away from everything that is now. Run away from him, from everything, and I will ask God to restore your youth.
I wish you could at least become more selfish. I wish you could tear off your clothes of regret, burdens, tears, disappointment and fear. Why would you wanna keep it when each and everyday, I beg Him to take it away from you?
God, teach me what I should do.

2009-04-26T17:36:00.003+08:00

Everything is done.
The funeral is over. Everything seems to back to normal and I am glad.

I think I need to do a little review about my life. Something has to be done which I myself not sure what is it. My life as I reflected on, seems so dull and mundane. True, a lot of things are happening to me like and it look so colorful, I am happy, or was happy, but as soon as I lie down on my bed to end the day, I will feel a deep sense of melancholy, it is just so gloomy. There seems to certain hole or feeling of emptiness in me. And I know very well that only God can fill me.
Now I realize, I didn't give in 100% to God. I think I didn't. No, I did not.

Talk is so easy. Just give your all to Him. Why I can't do that?
And why I sing that with my own lips?

I must do something. I can't be a hypocrite Christian. I can't be so selfish towards God. I am not faithful after all.

2009-04-17T11:38:00.003+08:00

Finally she is gone forever.
Last night, it seemed like a finale of her life. Everyone, everyone that she wanted to see came and saw her. The adults were mourning, the men were sitting at the corner pondering. The children were playing with each other.
And me, I was a little stress. Everyone kept on asking me, "Is your grandma gonna pass away now? Why she keep on sweating, why this and why that..."
I don't know.

I couldn't sleep the whole night. Till I heard a phone call, "Your grandma is gone, can you come now and off all her tubings? Now.."
I rushed there.
She died peacefully I shall say.
I hope the songs that i sang to her, she can feel God. I hope she can feel His touch when I touched her, hear His voice when I prayed to her loudly the day before yesterday.

I can't believe that day you talked to me about your life, mom's life, aunts' life was the last day you really chatted with me. I am satisfied.
I love you, and I hope that you know that.

2009-04-12T19:08:00.003+08:00

Today is Easter day. A day where God rose again. A day that remind us that the battle has been won. The song which we perform, truly express what I had question God all this time.
"What held You on the cross??"
"Why did You die for me?"
"I don't deserve it, why do You still love me?"

I prayed today. I asked Him, how long more, and why me?
He told me, He wouldn't take the pain away, but He will sustain me.

I saw my ill grandma right after church. I am so not bold. I wanted to tell her, that she won't be in pain anymore, that the battle had been won. That Jesus had bore every strips, and He had wore the crown of thorns, that He had suffered all this in advance for her. I looked deep into her eyes. How I wish she sees Jesus in me. I finally found some courage in me.
"Popo, today is Jesus' resurrection day. I perform a song in church. It's ok, popo."

In my heart, I did not ask Jesus to heal her, but to take away her pain. I did not ask Him to prolong her life, but I pray that, she really saw Him in me, that she will call upon Him when she is in pain. I also command all evil spirits, the spirit of pain to left her body. And i believe that my prayers is all powerful than all the chantings. That the devil will not take her away, because God has redeemed her. I just love her so much..

2009-04-04T13:57:00.003+08:00

I am back again..
A lot of nonsensial things happened to me these days..
All will not make me stumble, only stronger.

I've been working in day care in the hospital where patients will just come and do some simple minor operation/procedures and then rest for a while, then go home.
My grandma is admitted again due to renal failure.
And the worst thing that can happen to her is that on the day that she thought she can be discharge, she was diagnosed with Extended Spectrum Beta Lactamase. It's an enzyme produced by some bacteria that make the body resistant to a lot of types of antibiotic.

My grandpa has somehow learn to let go. Seeing him, I feel so much pain. But that can't compare to his own agony.. After all, he had put a lot of effort in taking care of her and making sure she is alright. She loves her deeply and decided to let her go.

Grandma on the other hand, is not willing to let go despite the pain and all the sufferings she has to endure. She is afraid, that grandpa will be lonely.

I feel so useless, I couldn't do anything.. I can just see and pray.

2009-03-12T17:09:00.003+08:00

After all these, I still think by hardening the heart, you will actually feel less pain. I used to disagree with that statement, but it just happened to me a few months ago.
And I can sort of like, feel a new sense of freedom in me.

At last, I can feel peace despite of everything that is happening around me. Truly, at last.

I am wondering, what will happen if she didn't stop him. And how I hope, she didn't stop him. After all, maybe I can see the real him, the way he feel about me all this while. How I hope I can just stop loving.

I was so calm, so calm. Not a single drop of tear.

But then why, after that, I felt that pain. I still feel it whenever I breath, whenever I reflect back of what had happened. I wept.
And how I wish he is someone I can let go, cut off of every relationship. But I can't.
I am still in shock...

I need to learn, because probably there will be more to come. I must protect her. But first, I need to protect myself. My heart.

And Lord, help me to forgive him.

2009-02-14T16:45:00.003+08:00

Today's Valentine day!! Don't know why I am kinda excite over it although I am still single and stuff. It's very nice to see all my friends wishing each other Happy Valentine's day and it seems like, everyone are so happy today in the college. A few of them even received flowers!!

My friend, Jeziyel, and I make a 'covenant' to give each other chocolate on Valentine's day if we are still single by today. And yesterday, while I was choosing chocolate for her, I was thinking, 'Well, maybe she already forget our promise, but it's ok, I don't want to expect anything in return because she is such a sweeeet girl'
And today, while I handed her the chocolate, she looked so happy, and then she took out another chocolate, way huger than mine, with wrapper some more, for me! I was so ashamed of myself for thinking nonsense yesterday. And it's so true, she is just too sweet! But of course we did share all our chocolates with other friends, it's Valentine's day after all!

******************************************************************
I've been reading my Bible these days. I feel like, my eyes are opened, my ears are unlock. God somehow, is so awesome, as I saw Him, cupping my face, with tears, telling me, "If only you know how much I love you, look at my pierced hand, I have cast your sin as far as the east is from the west and I will remember them no more. Don't look at the chain that was once unlock by me, for now, the chain will be gone too"
And I was like, "Oh my God, please don't cry, I am sorry, I am so sorry for doubting You, and myself..."

2009-02-07T13:25:00.003+08:00

I thought a lot these few days. I guess everyone will experience this kinda thing for once in their walk with God.
Somehow, I realized what my friend said is kinda true. Love is not a feeling, but what He has done for us. For me.

These days, I couldn't really feel God anymore.
I am beginning to wonder, am I not significant to Him anymore or what. Or maybe I am not good enough and stuffs.
I did not doubt His existence for I know He is real, I only doubt that maybe I don't love Him enough, therefore, I don't feel Him anymore.

I know He is there, I know.

2009-01-30T13:05:00.003+08:00

It's time for another update for this 'long abandoned' blog.

This celebration of Chinese New year this year is better than last year I suppose. Last year was a disaster..
At least I can see them smile, and they are happy.

I don't sleep well nowadays. As a result, my back really aches. I keep on dreaming and dreaming. I don't know it's nightmare or what, but it's like as if I am living at another place at another realm. And when I woke up in my dream, the reality here is a nightmare there.

I longed for God's embrace. I don't have that much faith any more I guess. And maybe because of that, I am hunger for Him. I still remember the Beach that He promised me. And I dreamed about that Place one night. He was sitting on that rock, staring at the orangy sky, enjoying the breeze of the evening wind.
And I was looking at Him, afraid to go near Him.
I woke up.
Does He know I was there? He never look at me.
Maybe I was expecting Him to look at me, call me to Him, then I'll walk to Him. But this is not what happen.

Next time, if I dream of that Place again, I will go to Him even though He did not call me.

New Year

2009-01-11T15:56:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I post here with a title.

Today I skipped church.
Last week, Ps. Jeremiah revealed the theme for this year.

"Year of God's possibilities"

He mentioned, often, we have faith in God but there will always some 'unbelieve' in it. It's true, very true in me. I always claim that all I have is faith in God. But I realize, somewhere, deep in my faithfulness, doubts always manage to creep in.

Capture the miraculous moments that God gave you. Capture every moment that you can feel that God is with you. This is as a practice for your faithfulness so that doubts will not come in when you wanna believe in something.

But why I always capture those disappointment moment I had with God. My shame, even though I am very well aware that He had washed me clean.
My disappointments of prayers that I prayed and had believe, or maybe still believe that I find no answer or relief.
These are the moments that I had capture although I did capture the time and the peace I had with Him.
I am afraid to believe because I am afraid of disappointment, and that disappointment will make me doubt in my faithfulness.

And yet, I still want to believe.
Pray for me, pray that I can always capture God's goodness so that I can feel the true meaning of this Year of God's possibilities.

2008-12-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

Christmas is over just like a blink of eyes. Every year, I always look forward for Christmas and holiday season in the year end.
Christmas do really brings a lot of nostalgic feeling. I used to be a non Christian but at that time, I still like Christmas especially the songs and movies and all those Christmas stuff like tree and jingles and all those stuff.
Now Christmas brings me to believe that it is celebrated because of the birth of Jesus. It makes much more sense now to celebrate it.

That day, one of my friends brought me to this direct sell thing's talk.
It was scary. Really scary. At first, it did reminded me that it feels like a church, with all the warm people there, greeting you and making sure you're feeling comfortable.
But the content of it, I mean these people also were giving testimonies like how we do in church but I find it rather amusing.
I was like, "What? That is all they can show?"
Big cars, big money, big success, branded bag, big houses.

"I was very unhappy and poor last time, now I am happy, because I have money, I have security, I don't need to worry about my child's future when I leave this earth.... bla..bla.. bla"

Come on la, rich is not everything, money is not everything. Going to heaven is what you should aim for, you guys aim so little.
And this is what I thought.

Earth is so temporary.

After what I commented here, I am not here to despise all the direct sell people. Not all of them are like that and that I ain't say that money is not important. It is, but it is not everything.

2008-12-15T18:46:00.002+08:00

I dreamt of the beach last night, and I think when I leave this place, I will go to the beach.
Maybe it's really where I am suppose to be.

It's peaceful when I feel the waves kicking me,and when I can look at the stars and the moon at night. When I can see the sunrise at dawn and sunset in the evening.

2008-12-08T16:45:00.002+08:00

I am back!
But i don't know what to update.. some more my cousin is like besides me now..

The year is gonna end soon, sooner than I expect..

And then, I am thinking, whether I shall stay there, or move on since I feel like I don't belong. It's not the way people treated me that makes me feel this way, it's me, well, maybe I shall talk to someone about it. But if I just leave all of sudden, it's like I am not carrying my responsibility well. If I want to leave, I shall fulfill whatever I shall first.

And if I leave, I need to find something or somewhere to replace it..

Full of utter nonsense post..

2008-11-12T15:41:00.003+08:00

Haih.. here I am again..
I think my blog is getting duller and duller day by day..

But to think again, it's good also when there is no supply of net line at home since I will spend most of my time studying.. Too bored, that's why..

This week I am posted in ICU.
I love that place very much since you will only take care of 1 or 2 patient/s per shift. So you will basically tag along with a staff nurse, and therefore, he/she has more time to teach you.

Next week will go to labour room. Hope there will be another useful experience there.

I also spend my free time reasing the Bible these days..
It's been very long time ago since I last do devotion.. But God still speak to me.
I feel very bad ever since I heard the pastor who came and preach in my church the other day said,"Don't claim that you love God when you are not reading His word."

It really hits me somehow.

I surrender all to You, Lord..
I am nothing without You.

2008-11-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

I am off to Pangkor Island tomorrow..
I hope everything will be fine..

And I still can't online in my room..

Watched Tropic Thunder.. Fun movie!
By the way, this is my 300th post..

Bye!

Kolam

2008-10-24T17:16:00.006+08:00

Hey, well, this is the kolam competition that I promised to post it last week.
So long already, I know, but you see, I still make effort to post it right, I don't want to be too outdated when I post it. And this kolam thing is 3 weeks ago.. It's a competition between classes and also the clubs. Each group consists of 7 participants and My group is representing the Choir Club.
The theme.. is, "To promote, preserve and ......(I forgot..) Malaysian's identity and culture"

Part 1

Preparation of rice coloring

I personally like this color very much, I mixed the light blue and bright pink together to produce this color^^

Tada!!!

Nasihah posing.. Swt..

Part 2

Sketching on the floor... Sort of like impromtu sketching..

Continue drawing.. Thank God already cut the shape out for certain pictures

Putting the rice!!

I did the tanglung and part of the flag.. The tanglung I drew wan.. Nice??

I did the rice for the chinese word but of course not I traced one la.. You can actually see the yellow paper beside there right.. Get the idea?

I really like this part~~

Almost done ^^

Part 3

My class!! Group 2/2007

Group 2/2006

Student Council

Sport Club

Choir Club!!!! (2nd runner up ^^)

Gardening Club.. Personally, this is my favourite (1st runner up)

Creative Club(Winner!!)

*************************************************************************************
By the way people.. I won't be online as often anymore... Haih..
No need to ask why ok..

AWARD!!

2008-10-20T21:20:00.004+08:00

Lawrence!!! Thanks for nominate this thing to me, didn't know that you actually enjoy reading my blog.. Thanks ya..*Grinning and Syiok sendiri..*

Once accepting this award, the rules are as follow:
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate 10 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

And the list is in not any particular order. So, enjoy!

1. Lawrence
He is the one who tagged me, so, I am tagging him back out of courtesy.. LOL.. Just joking la.. Haha, well, I like reading his blog especially about his form 6 life because it somehow did reflect back on how I behaved back then. Of course I was not as hardworking as him la.. And he also always has the latest albums' info for all those Christian Band. So I can update myself there also la..

2. Joo Ying
How can I miss out her blog?? Her blog is full of dramas.. LOL.. Like a teenage diary.. Seriously, it's like a autobiography or something.. Reminds me of The Diary of Anne Frank.. And she is very real in her blog, real as in she sounds exactly the same in the real life and in the blog.

3. Charis
Got to know her through Gid. She owns an awesome blog, it's more like a daily devotional when you read her blog. She wrote like she is a pastor or someone who has gone through some Bible courses. She really can be a pastor la, I think.

4. Jonathan Chu
Jon's blog, yea, I know a lot of people award him with this, there must be a reason behind it right, well, the contents of his blog are so... cute.. and farney!! Really, sometimes I can entertain myself by reading it. And he is a great writer too!

5. Suit Lin
One of my favourite blogs. Although I don't know really get to know her, her blog seems to be attractive to me. She managed to show what she really feels deep inside, in words. It's like she bare it all and when she did that, we can also feel a glimpse of what she really feels deep down. It's like a literature book to me as well!

6. Susana
I love her blog!! It inspires me most of the time. Her blog is very encouraging and most of all, she reminds all of us, "Someone loves you"

7. Fiona
Fiona!! You kena this also, wanna know why? I love your colorful blog full of pictures!! I love how you mix and match the fonts of your blog, and it's very interesting!

8. Nicholas Wong
His blog is very interesting too!! And also very inspiring plus a tint of funny funny stuffs. His blog is basically a mixture of knowledge about Christ, Life and Funny stuffs.

9. Li Shia
Got to know her during my form 6 time. Her blog is interesting because I love the simplicity of it. I like the way she reminiscing back the good old days and her current uni life in Sabah. ^^

10. SentosaGirl
I met her in the blogging world. She is from Singapore, and she manages to convey her ups and downs in her working life. Now I also can get a glimpse of how working life taste like. Her blog si also tells me a lot about life, very inspiring also.

Being Tagged is a never ending thing

2008-10-17T18:24:00.002+08:00

Tagged by Joo long time ago, how can I not do right, since she did almost every single tag that I had tag her.. More to come wo.. for you.. Hehe..

Wah!!! 100 questions ar.. yOr..

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. (I would like to make my own rules.. You can refuse) These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

i've tagged:

1. Crystal, you did not update for so long already!
2. Stephanie
3. Melody
4. Dexter
5. Lawrence
6. Han Then
7. Shing
8. Jerrica

01. What have you been doing recently?
-Studying, onlining, sleeping

02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
-Yea, when it's low battery

03. What happened at 10.00am today?
-still listening to Ms.D's lecture. It's 10am, our break time d!! Please stop lecture la, hungry!!!

04. When did you last cry?
-last Sunday

05. Believe in fate/destiny?
-I don't think so

06. What do you want in your life right now?
-more money

07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
-When I carry umbrella, there will be no rain, when I don't there will be rain.. I walk in the rain most of the time, hood doesn't work, it fells off everything I put it on

8. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
-Mattress

9. What bottom are you wearing now?
-I not wearing any bottom as I am wearing a 1 piece pyjamas right now

10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
-None, all are nice, so there is no nicest thing

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
-Why?

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
-Nop

13. What was the last movie you caught?
-Wall E

14. What are you proud of?
-Me making the right choice being a nurse

15. What does the oldest message in your inbox says?
-Pin number to Maxis website

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
-The Alabaster Jar

17. Do you have any nicknames?
-Becky
-Beck
-Reb
-Beh
-Rebecca-e, this is the latest one

18. What does your last received text message say?
-Gideon told me he is going to watch House Bunny later

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
-11pm

20. Are you currently happy?
-Yea

21. Who gives you best advice?
-God

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
-I.Don't.Like.Whipped.Cream

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
-My brother, asking me to boil water for him to bath

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
-Yea, my exam tomorrow.. and my hair, not yet dry one.. I wanna sleep

25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
-Nurlela, my classmate.. She is so crazy

26. Do you wear toe socks?
-No

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
-Mom

28. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
-Yea, I think that's normal

29. What annoys you most in a person?
-Cheating in exam

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
-No, still looking for someone to have a crush on..LOL

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
-No, I am pure hearted.. Hehe

32. What is the colour of your room?
-White

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
-No, he/she is not for me to kill

34. Do you believe in the saying of : talk is cheap?
-???

35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
-Me la, but sometimes my brother so mengada go and lie there, lie in his own bed la, I know mine smells nicer than his but still...

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
-Melvin

37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
-I did not kiss anyone, but I kissed my notes today and my friend were staring at me..

38. Do you have a life?
-Yes!!

39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didn't die?
-???

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
-I don't have any

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
-Random stranger

42. Last time you smiled?
-Just now

43. Have you changed this year?
-Compare to last year? Yes

44. What are you listening right now?
-Keyboard sound, I am typing, DUH!

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
-No

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
-Open la!

47. Is there a quote you live by?
-WWJD

48. Do you want someone you cannot have?
-Yea.. No point la

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
-I am bad at those

50. What was the worst idea you've had in this week?
-Skip class

51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?
-Sleeping

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
-Define love life, well, I got a lot of loves from various people, so I am happy ^^

53. What song best describe your love life?
-None

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
-...........

55. Who always make you laugh?
-Lela, Raudha, Gideon and Jenny

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
-Bahasa Malaysia, Cantonese, and a little of Mandarin

57. Favourite website(s)?
-Post Secrets

58. What's your middle name?
-Yen

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
-Exam then will be meeting up with my form 6 friends, then youth service

60. What do you think you are like?
-No one

61. Who will you choose to die with?
-None

62. Where have you been today?
-College

63. What game do you play often?
-I don't really play games

64. Who are you missing right now?
-My form 6 friends

65. If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose?
-I refuse to answer, because I think both are important

66. What are you doing right now?
-Doing this tag while waiting for my hair to get dry

67. Which primary school are you from?
-SRK. St Mary/Bukit Bintang Girls' School(1)

68. Name 3 colours that you like?
-Pink, Brown and white

69. What emotion you like to show?
-^^

70. What is your life to you?
-God's Kingdom's cause

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
-Depends on what was that

72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
-I haven't on my msn yet

73. Who do you admire most?
-Jesus Christ

74. Which month are you born in?
-May

75. How are you feeling right now?
-Impatient

76. What is the time now?
-7.01pm

77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is?
-She is my cousin and she is very CUTE

78.What colour did you use to dye hair?
-Brown with magenta highlight(Magenta faded d)

79. Why are you doing this test?
-Simply, waiting for my hair to get dry before I go for nap

80. What do you do when you're moody?
-Eat

81. At which age you wish to get married?
-Hopefully before 30

82. Who is more important to you?
-compare to?? Everyone is important in my life

83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
-I will be more bold to share the Good news!

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
-God

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
-Yea, I have seen it before

86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
-I don't know yet

87. What is your goal for this year?
-Improve in studies

88. Do you believe in eternity love?
-Yes

89. What feeling do you love most?
-Excitement

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
-Yea

91.What feeling do you hate the most?
-Emoing

92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
-Yes

93. Do you believe in God?
-Yes

94. Who cares for you most?
-People around me, I hope

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
-Friends and Family, not forgetting my relationship with God

96. What will you bring when you fight?
-I don't fight

97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
-None

98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
-Loneliness

99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
-I will leave him

100. HOW DO U FEEL NOW?
-Relieved! It's finally done!!

2008-10-14T20:08:00.014+08:00

I am suppose to update my blog with the Kolam competition but I haven't curi curi take pictures of those pretty kolams, so maybe I'll update tomorrow. You might be wondering, why do I have to curi-curi take, it's because of some very stupid rules in my college. Only Editorial Board members can snap pictures in any event in the college because not only they snap photos, they develope it and sell it to whoever wants it, making profit for the club la. And because of that, they are afraid that, we will snap those pictures, sell it to our friends and you know, like a competition to them. But I just wanted the soft copy to blog it out, not the hard copy..

And I still owe Joo and Law a tag, wait ya, I will do it maybe during weekends.. ^^

On Sunday, I had a meet up with my old friend, Ji Wen. She is very pretty now.. Although I disagree with her about a lots of stuff, I still love her. She told me the world is harsh, yes, but I am different and I'll make a difference. The world is harsh, I'll still offer my love to anyone.

Anyway, we went to this shop called MOF,Ministry of Food, (more like a Ministry of Finance to me), at Pavillion. They have these Japanese dessert with made of Gelatin which they claim is not fattening. They do have coffee as well. They don't have a long list of dessert to choose from in the menu but nevertheless, attractive.

Ji Wen ordered this:

I forgot what this thing call, some macha something, but it looks like it's the most famous thing is that shop.

A closer look. It's very nice, really!! Tastes nice and looks nice! ^^

But I couldn't decide on what I want to have that day, so I ordered this mango smoothies. Somehow, I had craving on anything to do with mango that day.. Ok, not only that day, I constantly have it, because I like mangoes very much, get it?

This is how it looks like.. I know you want.. Hehe

A closer look, it looks nice but I have no idea why it tasted like Green Tea and I hate Green Tea very very much!! I suspect they use the utensils that had just prepared green tea dessert to prepare this smoothies.. SO sad..

And since Ji Wen want to stay there for a longer time due to some reason, she offered to buy me another dessert!! YAY!!! And so, guess what I've ordered? Duh, since my craving are not satisfy yet, I ordered..

MANGO ICE CREAM!!!

And this time, it tastes like mango!! There were even mango slices on it!! I am satisfied!! At last! This thing is very nice, serious, and the best part is, it's not fattening!! ^^

Ji Wen enjoying her dessert.. Curious bout her look?? Hehe..

After all these desserts, I think I should go back to these..... 'desserts' for the night.

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Headaches.. ><

Migraine.. :/

Reflection

2008-10-10T00:26:00.002+08:00

Funny, somebody posted a random comment at my friendster blog which makes me read back almost all the post there.

It was like 3 years ago. I think I have changed, quite a lot.
I hope changed for the better.
When I read back those posts, I really reflect back my life, how much things has changed.
I miss those times..
I miss the people who played a major part in my life back then.
I wonder what they are doing now..

Maybe sleeping if they are still in Malaysia.

It's 12.30am for goodness' sake! Got exam at 8am..

2008-10-05T22:54:00.002+08:00

When the clock strive 12am later, it marks the end of my holidays.
Well, to be honest, I don't want it to end now..

Anyway, I think I did not waste even a day during my holidays. It's been fun and fulfilling , at the same time helps me to reflect a lot of things.
I never regret this holidays.

I miss my friends. I miss. I miss.
I am so dumb, a few hours ago, I cried myself to sleep, thinking a lot of nonsense.. Maybe it's the hormonal imbalance because of PMS(But now pms meh? wrong timing wo).. I don't know.. LOL..

I thought of.. everyone leaving me. So stupid hor.. Because I suddenly realized most of my friends have their own life to care for, (as if la, I don't have my own life like that) everything is so much different. Meeting my secondary school or form 6 friends makes me realize that.

I always thought people are always dependent on me because I've always been the eldest, people look to me, I cannot do wrong and stuff like that, but it's not that actually.
And then I saw my cousins and friends that are 3 or more years younger than me, they have grown so much, won't be clinging to me so often already.. Won't be running to me asking for advice because they know what is the best choice to make.

I realized that though I always say, I am not afraid of being lonely, because I've always been like that at times, but it's not like that actually, (laugh) I am afraid actually.

I take things for granted I guess, especially my friends, because I thought they will be by my side forever. How silly..

I hope somehow, I have made a difference in their life.

And then I suddenly thought of Susana, yes, Susana, the one who is always watching over me.. I wonder, along her journey of being a Youth Leader so far, does she feel the same at times?

And then, my friend rang me up, wake me up. Ah, my secondary school friends, she thought of me.. I was happy.

Why tears are rolling.. stupid me.